(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bump and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. It's another episode of the HGIC hotline.
So we're doing some Q&A today. We are going to be tackling how to actually believe this birth can be different after a traumatic first birth experience, what movement and positions look like in real time during labor, and how to stay confident when your doctor is already doubting you. So if you're feeling a little unsure, whether it's fear creeping in, not knowing what to do with your body during your labor, or dealing with a provider who's throwing doubt your way, this one is for you.
Question one is from Amber. She said, I had a really traumatic first birth. And even though I know this birth can be different, I'm struggling to actually believe it.
I've done so much prep, but the fear is still there. What can I do to truly trust that my body was made for this? This is a big one. And this is actually something I was just talking about the other day to a coaching client.
First of all, I want you to know that it makes sense that your brain is holding onto fear. Trauma wires our nervous system for protection. Even when we logically know things can be different, you are not failing because fear is present.
And I really need you to hear that from me today. I was chatting with her the other day and she just felt like, oh, I'm doing all this work and I'm still scared. I'm like, that's okay.
You're allowed to still be scared. You're allowed to still have this stuff coming up, especially after going through a super traumatic experience the last time. And she is having to do it at the same place again.
She's really nervous. It makes sense, right? Because your brain is literally wired to keep you safe every single day of your life. So it would make sense that your brain is like, hey, let's not do this again because remember what happened last time? But here's the thing.
Fear is a liar and your body was not the problem last time. The system may have failed you. Your circumstances may have been stacked against you, but your body, it was never broken.
It was always designed to birth your babies. Now I'm going to be blunt and it might feel a little harsh, but sometimes the truth feels harsh, but I'm just going to share the truth with you today. If you are looking to heal from your last birth experience, that also comes with taking responsibility.
And this is not bad, right? I know it can feel bad. Like, gosh, it was my responsibility to know better and to do better. And like, I get it.
Like that's hard. I've had to do this work too. I had a traumatic first birth experience and I had to do this work and it doesn't feel good, but it really also opens the door to the fact that you now know better and can do better because you now have more information and you've been preparing.
And so you're not the same woman that you were walking into the delivery room last time. You're going to be walking in a different person now. And instead of letting that trauma sit there and keep you from doing the work and keep you from taking responsibility and keep you stuck, you are taking action and working towards healing and educating yourself and preparing your mind, your body, everything.
And that is huge. And that is something most women do not do. So I want to take a second and tell you how proud I am of you, but I do have some practical things that you can try to work towards that belief a little bit more.
Like if you can't quite get to the belief, can you get a little closer? I call them like a little bridge, little bridge beliefs. So if you don't quite believe that this time can be better and this time can be different and you trust your body, whatever the belief is that you're aiming for, right. Can you get a little closer? So like, what would be the next stepping stone? Like, so right now we're like, oh my gosh, it's going to be the same as last time.
Like, what if it doesn't have to be the same as last time? Can you get behind that? Like, it might not have, it might be the same as last time, but what if it doesn't have to be? You can probably get behind the fact that you have more experience now, you have more education, you have more awareness. You probably know a lot more of the decisions that need to be made this time versus last time. So maybe we don't trust our body yet.
Maybe we don't believe that this time is going to be so much better, but can you believe that you're better equipped and more knowledgeable? So if you can just like slowly get to that belief, you don't ever have to get there truly, honestly, but can we, can we move away from the, oh my gosh, it's going to be the exact same as last time belief. I mean, let's be real. That's where your brain wants to go.
That's why it keeps going back there. That's why it keeps being like, hey, it's going to be awful again. It's going to be the worst thing ever.
It's going to be the same as last time, because again, your brain's job is to keep you safe. So if it can convince you of that and keep reminding you of that, it's going to try to get you to not go through with it. And unfortunately little brains, they're so smart, but they forget that we actually do have to get this baby out of our body one way or another.
So we just need to help our brains out a little bit. So let's start by reframing your fear thoughts in the moment. So if something pops up where, you know, maybe you're going to the doctors and it comes up again, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm thinking about that birth again.
When that fear pops up, don't just let it, don't just let it simmer and fester and like, don't just keep going. Oh yeah. What if, and then you're thinking about that birth again and you're thinking about that situation and, and it can very quickly spiral out of control.
I, um, to me, like I had the image that comes to my mind is like a horse running in a corral, like a circular little pen and the horse is running around like crazy. And those are your crazy thoughts, right? Going, going, going, going around and around and around. And the more you can give your brain to make that corral smaller and smaller and smaller until the horse literally has nowhere to go.
You can think of it like a toddler. I'm like, oh no, that toddler just has to sit down because there's literally no room to go. So saying things like this birth is different.
I am safe. My body is strong. God is with me.
Whatever your little thoughts are that can help ground you in that moment. Be like, Hey, listen, I know that was the experience last time, little brain, but we are actively planning and preparing for a much different experience. We are doing the work.
Maybe we have a better team this time. Maybe our team is more knowledgeable of our plan and our goals and what we're trying to accomplish. Anything you can feed your brain to help it calm down.
My best friend and I chat a lot. She owns an online business as well. And we talk about our brains a lot because there's a lot of thought work as an entrepreneur.
And she, um, we always talk about like, okay, give the little brain, like we call it a little toddler, give, give it some snacks and tell it to sit down in the corner because we have stuff to do. So when our brain starts being a butt head saying like, we can't do this, we're not good enough and blah, blah, blah, because that totally happens. Um, I have to be like, okay, that's great.
And we're going to try to do it anyways. We're going to show up. We're going to help somebody today.
So give your brain some little snacks and say, okay, go sit down. Mommy's driving now. You can sit in the back seat.
That's where you belong, buckled in your car seat, five point harness, praise the Lord. Your brain loves you and is trying to keep you safe. But also sometimes that thing can sabotage us in the worst ways possible.
So reign that thing in that's the tip here. The next tip that I have to try is practice your coping tools. Now, if you're waiting until labor to see if they work, that's a setup, like you're setting yourself up for failure, for panic, for stress.
So start your breathing exercises. Now start visualization, birth affirmations, start working on that stuff, whatever you're putting in your toolbox that day, work on them daily, if you can, so that your body recognizes them as safe and that they're practiced and ready to pull out, like just like second nature. And the next I want you to identify your biggest what if, or your biggest ones and rewrite it instead of what if I get scared again? Or what if I feel powerless and all that stuff? What if, what if you feel amazing? What if you feel super confident? What if you feel powerful instead of what if it's just as bad? What if it's the exact same? What if it's healing? What if it's like such a redemptive experience? Flip the negatives into positives.
And then my final tip, and one I think is super powerful, is to surround yourself with people who reinforce the belief that you are trying to believe. If anyone around you is feeding doubt, replace their voices, replace them, remove them from your space, do not hear any more words from them. Replace them with people who are building your trust, whether that's your support team, birth stories, scripture, birth coaches like me, get some people in your corner that are speaking life into your upcoming birth experience.
So let me be the first one to tell you, you can create a different experience. You are doing the work to do so. It doesn't have to look like last time you are writing a new story here.
You are more experienced, more educated, more thoughtful this time around. And you are totally capable of pulling off something that blows your mind. I know this because I've done it.
I've done it myself. I had a very traumatic first birth experience. And let me be honest, the second and third were pretty traumatic as well.
Just not as traumatic as the first. But I was not in control during those birth experiences and I flipped the freaking script. And I have now had births that were magical, amazing and making me want so many more kids.
When I was a teenager, I used to want like 17 kids. And after my first birth experience, I literally sat there on the bed and was like, how will I ever do this again? That was terrifying to me because I was like, how am I ever going to survive this again? I want a big family. I want a lot of kids.
How am I ever going to be able to do this again? Versus with my fourth, I literally was supposed to be our last. I said, I cannot wait to do this again. I was, he was, I was still in the birth tub.
My placenta was in a bowl next to me. The baby was on my chest and I hadn't even moved yet. And I was like, gosh, I can't wait to do this again.
And I'm not special. I did the exact same work that I teach you guys how to do. It's available to you.
Okay. So healing is a process. God designed your body for birth.
He didn't make a mistake. You can do it. You are totally capable.
You are actually doing the work. Just keep going. And even if your brain doesn't get entirely on board with the new beliefs that you want to believe you are still so much closer than you've ever been.
Okay. Next question. Blair wants to know, I keep hearing that movement and positions can help with labor pain, but I have no idea what that actually looks like when you're in it.
Can you give me a rundown of what to do in early labor versus active labor versus pushing? Oh, I like this one, but yes, absolutely. I agree. Movement isn't just nice and labor.
It's a game changer. It's for comfort and for progress, but what you need shifts depending on where you're at. So I like that you're asking for these different phases.
So let's talk about it in early labor. This is when you're like, is this it? Is this some Braxton Hicks? Is this like actually, is it actually time? Those contractions start. They're irregular.
They're mild. They're spaced out. Like we're talking easy mode right now, right? Like period cramps, just like all these like little couple an hour.
Like what are these? Are these real? That is when I personally like to keep life feeling normal. I prefer to stay up right as much as I can. I prefer to stay distracted.
I like walking around. I like bouncing on the birth ball. Sometimes I even do like some light stretches, like just like kind of moving my body, getting, getting, you know, in loosey-goosey, all the things.
I also have just like napped during this time. If it's nighttime, I go to sleep. Good night.
Conserve your energy. If it's real and it needs to keep progressing, if it's going to come fast, your body will do what it needs to do, but if you can get some rest during this time. Um, and also I like the idea of, I used to do these on the birth ball, like hip circles.
And then some people do like figure eights, which is like basically like double circle, right? Um, these can help baby get into the optimal position for your birth experience. Early labor can last a while, right? Especially if you're a first time mom, it could last several hours. Um, but just like taking it easy, resting when you need to just kind of live in life as normal.
My waters had broke first last time. So like I had called my mom to pick up the kids. I'm thinking next time we'll have the kids here, but okay.
That was a total random side thought, but, um, had my mom come pick up the kiddos and just like preparing my home. Like Matt was cleaning and everything, my husband. Um, and I was just like chilling, just, I was doing a little bit of cleaning, right? I was like making the bed, doing a couple little things.
And then I just, when I needed to rest and stuff, I sat down at my desk and I was like making a little baby outfit on my sewing machine. And like, just, just like living life as normal. One of my biggest mistakes with my first baby, I believe was like, I got so focused on the contractions.
It was like, okay, we need to, we need to keep these going. We need to get them closer together. So I started going on walks around the neighborhood and like, I was so focused on the contractions and I didn't even eat that morning.
I just was like zoned in and I did not have to do that. Not for, not for early labor. Absolutely not.
So I just encourage you to obviously stay home. That is not the time to go to the hospital. Um, stay home, get really comfortable, do life as normal.
Try not to even think about them. I know they can be uncomfortable. I get that, but there's no need to like start implementing all your coping tools and doing all the walking and the curb walking.
And like, let's keep pushing this thing, you know? I mean, there's a time and a place for that. Like if your waters are broken and you're on a timed crunch and all that stuff, like I can understand that. But if you're not, and you're just getting those beginning contractions, don't stress it.
Definitely don't forget to eat. That was crazy of me. After early labor, we have active labor.
This is where contractions are pretty regular. They're getting a little more intense. They're getting closer together.
They're about five minutes apart, about a minute long, and they've definitely ramped up the intensity. This is when I would recommend being a little more active. So it's in the name, right? Active labor.
I like to keep upright as much as possible. I like to walk around a lot. I do like some rocking, some swaying.
I even like slow dancing vibes with my partner. Really help you feel grounded and boost that oxytocin, that love hormone, get that flowing. When I'm having a contraction, I get bad back labor.
So I like some forward leaning positions, like hands on a counter, hands on the wall, leaning over a birth ball, even leaning onto the bed, anything that's going to help take that pressure off my back. And then my husband can come in with them hip squeezes that are life-changing. If your husband doesn't know how to do the hip squeezes yet, get your little booties onto YouTube and look up some tutorials and practice those, because, oh my goodness, those are magical.
You also might want to consider doing some hip openers, like some deep squats. Maybe you're lunging with one foot up, sitting on the toilet. The toilet is known as the dilation station.
It's a great spot to, it's a place where you're naturally relaxing your pelvic floor. And it's a great position to be sitting in. It's like, if you've ever seen like a birthing stool and stuff, it's basically a toilet with, with an open on the bottom, you know, it's like the, like a seat with a hole in it.
Um, and that is a really great place to get things progressing. I already talked about some rhythmic movement, rocking, swaying, slow dancing, things like that. And then water immersion, if that's available, warm water is a natural pain reliever.
Warm water actually increases your endorphins levels, which if you don't know, endorphins are your body's natural pain management system. So if you're able to get in a birthing tab or even just a warm shower, that can be really helpful, especially that warm water on your back. Ooh.
Now you didn't mention transition, but I'm going to touch on it. I did talk a lot about transition and last week's episode from Thursday from the HGIC episode. So if you haven't checked that out, make sure you listen to that one.
If you're curious about transition and what that entails, what that, what to expect, basically transition is usually the toughest, but also the shortest phase of your labor experience. Those contractions are pretty much right on top of each other, right? You might be getting a 30, 60 second break. Contractions are probably a minute, minute and a half long.
It's a little intense at this point. Contractions aren't playing nice anymore. This is where your mindset work really comes into play because your brain like kind of clocks out and your primal brain takes over and you're like, oh, okay.
The logical brain is gone. And now you need to remind yourself, okay, this is tough. Yes.
And it feels like we can't do this anymore. It feels like we're not going to survive this. And it feels like we would literally be rather doing anything else on planet earth right now.
Um, this is when you need to remind yourself, Hey, baby is almost here. It is the end. This is it.
This is the moment. I personally like hands and knees during transition. That's where I feel most comfortable.
I would really encourage you to avoid lying flat on your back because it closes the pelvis, makes the contractions feel worse. We're wanting to open and prepare for baby to start engaging into the birth canal. So use that gravity, open up your pelvis, get in whatever position side-lying is a great one.
If you don't want to be on hands and knees, um, and then the transition positions are pretty much the same for pushing. So let's talk about pushing hands and knees or side-lying are really great positions for protecting the perineum. So less chance of tearing.
It allows a lot of space for baby. Maybe you want to do like a supported squat or even like kneeling down. This helps your baby to send quickly.
Cause we've got some major gravity on our side. Standing is also totally an option. Now I recommend telling your team when it's time to push, not vice versa.
I like the typical hospital experiences. Your provider comes in every so often, or, you know, nurse, whoever, and they're coming in and they're doing cervical checks and they're, they're basically waiting to tell you when to push. And, um, that's not necessary.
Your body will let you know when it's time. And honestly, your body knows a lot better than they do. They're just guessing based on averages and what they learned in school.
But if you give your body the chance to labor down, laboring down before pushing, let's contractions move baby down before actively pushing so that you can save your energy. I always think it is so wild to hear a woman that have been pushing for hours. I'm like, I don't even like that doesn't even make sense to me.
I'm like, I'm done. I can't even imagine doing it for that long. And to be fair, most of the women that I've talked to that have had pushing experiences like that have gotten the epidural.
And it makes sense to me why that happened and they're laying in bed and all that. But I just, I just blows my mind. I'm like, how did you do that? You superhero, how did you survive? So conserve your energy, wait for your body signal.
Your body is going to tell you, um, Hey, listen, look, we're pushing for you. Here we go. Let's do it.
If you want to join in, have at it, but also your body has a ejection response for that fetal ejection response. FER, if you want to look it up, if you don't do anything, your body will literally push that baby out for you. Women in comas have babies.
They don't do any pushing. I promise your body's got all that built in. It's got it covered for you.
I would encourage you to at least educate yourself, but to avoid purple pushing, which is holding your breath, forcing like really bearing down, like it's exhausting and it's totally unnecessary. And your body does a lot better just breathing through things and working with your body, not actively trying to override what your body's attempting to do. So the rule here for positioning and movement, all of that during labor, if it feels good, keep doing it.
If it feels wrong, change it up. Your body knows what to do. It's going to be communicating with you that day.
So above all else, listen to your body. It knows best. Last question is from destiny.
I have a sister named destiny. I love that. Okay.
She said I'm an unmedicated hospital birth, but my doctor is already making comments about how most first time moms end up getting the epidural. I want to be prepared for pushback, but I don't want to go into labor feeling defensive. How do I stay confident without being combative? Okay.
I hate this kind of provider talk because it plants doubt before you even start, but let's reframe this. Okay. Their doubt does not belong to you.
That's theirs. They can keep it. I think the key here is setting boundaries with confidence, not combativeness.
It is a power move to just like coolly and calmly shut things down. Like, I understand that's common, but I've prepared for this and I trust my body or let's focus on supporting my plan rather than assuming I'll change it straight up, call it out confidently. And you don't have to fight them on it.
You don't have to get them to see your side. You don't have to get them to agree with you. That's not your job.
If they want to hold that doubt for you, they can absolutely hold it. You don't have to pick it up. You can leave it right there in the room with them.
Acknowledge it, say that's not for me and move on. That's the first step. Step two is have responses ready for your labor.
You're at the hospital, you're in the thick of things, you're checked in, you're doing the thing, you're going inwards and someone comes in, Hey, you ready for that epidural? No, thank you. I'm confident in my plan for an unmedicated birth. Or if I decide I need it, I'll ask until then let's not bring it up again.
Why are we offering women epidurals before they ask for them? Why? I mean, I did a whole episode about it because there's so much more than just a pain management option. They're about control for them, but I'm not going to get on that soapbox right now. If you want to hear more about it, go listen to episode 11, Spilling the Epidural Tea.
But it happens all the time, right? The nurse comes in like, Hey, let's get you this and help you get more comfortable, help you rest, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, okay, you're selling me something right now. That's what you're doing.
You're selling me your intervention. You're not telling me any of the risks that can come with that. You're not telling me how that could affect my birth experience and my birth plan.
You're not, you're not being upfront and honest. I'm not buying. I'm not buying point blank period.
If you educate yourself and you choose an epidural, that is totally okay. You're not going to get any hate from this girl. I'm just so sick of the manipulation and the misleading, the straight up misinformation.
That's where I got beef, you know? Okay. And step number three, bring backup your partner. Maybe you're hiring a doula.
You have a support person, mom, mother-in-law, sister, best friend, whoever, grandma, I don't know. Whoever you're bringing to the birth, they should be prepared to advocate for you. So you don't have to do it a simple, Oh, she's already made her decision can shut it down real fast.
Your job is to focus on birthing, not convincing confidence is truly your best defense here. Odds are if your provider is already showing doubt and all of that, they have a belief that moms that are first-time moms cannot do it without the epidural. And it's probably because they don't have a whole lot of evidence for it.
When your provider says doubtful things like that, they're not saying it about you. They're saying it about themselves. Most first-time moms end up getting the epidural screams.
I don't know how to support women in an unmedicated birth experience. So I don't have much evidence that first-time moms can actually pull that off. So call it out, reframe it, have responses ready for your labor experience, bring back up for the day of and really work on boosting that confidence, whatever you need to feel confident.
And honestly, I truly believe that confidence comes from education, experience, knowledge, all that stuff. That's where you need to be focusing. Okay.
This was awesome. Thank you ladies for submitting your questions. I hope this helped you move from fear to trust confusion to clarity and from doubt to confidence.
If you have a question, you are dying to ask me. I will put the show notes, the show notes. I will put the link in the show notes.
You can submit your question and there's a chance that I will answer it right here on the birth prep podcast. That's exciting stuff. And before you go, my free event is tomorrow.
If you're not coming, I don't know what the heck is wrong with you. No, I'm just kidding. I love you so much.
You don't have to come, but I would love to have you there. This stuff is so important to talk about. And I cannot wait to get this information in your hands.
We're going to have a wonderful time. I'm going to be talking about three mistakes that can sabotage your unmedicated birth experience. I will be live on zoom tomorrow with all you wonderful ladies.
And we're going to be hanging out talking about those mistakes, how to avoid them. Most importantly, I've got a super special surprise for my birth prep course girlies that I'm going to be announcing on that call. And I'm also going to be saving time at the end for Q and a. So if you can't make it live, I'll send you a replay, but if you can, I'd love to have you would love to answer your questions live on zoom.
It's a free event. You can grab your ticket at the link in the show notes. I will see you there until then as always happy prepping.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
