(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the Birth Prep Podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bump and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Birth Prep Podcast. This is the space where we prep for birth like we actually care about the outcome, where we refuse to settle for surviving when we were made to thrive, and where we stop pretending that birth is just one day and start treating it like the transformative, sacred, identity-defying experience that it is.
Today's episode is all about one of the most important mindset shifts that you can make for your birth experience. Okay, here it is. Are you ready? Coping with labor is a skill, not a personality trait.
And if you've been low-key panicking about how you're going to handle the pain, if you've been scrolling birth stories, wondering how are these women so calm and composed? I could never. If you've already decided you're not the type who can do this, this one is for you. Because I'm going to show you exactly why that belief is not only wrong, it's dangerous.
And then I'm going to help you replace it with truth that actually equips you. I was raised with a belief, and probably you guys were too, with you either have what it takes or you don't. I absolutely believed that the women who were having those enjoyable, peaceful, home-birth-y vibe experiences were God's favorites, right? Like they were born that way, that that's just how they experience birth, and that's great for them, but that's probably not going to be for me because birth is supposed to suck, and it's going to suck for me because that's just how it's probably going to go.
That you're either the strong one or the sensitive one, or you have a high pain tolerance or you don't. You're either built for unmedicated birth or you're not. And it's almost like if we don't already feel brave or like calm and cool and collected, you should probably just sign up for the epidural and hope for the best, right? But here's the problem with that line of thinking.
It turns birth into a personality quiz instead of a process you can actually prepare for. When we believe that coping is a trait instead of a trainable skill, we don't do the work. We don't practice.
We don't prep. We wait for confidence to magically show up, and then we panic when it doesn't. This belief, this you either have it or you don't mindset, it steals women's births.
When I walked into my first with this mindset and left with a terrible, awful, traumatic, painful, totally sucked, worse than anybody told me I would experience, I believed that birth would always be that way for me. Oh, well, that's just how it goes, I guess. That's how it's going to be next time and the time after that.
And I literally remember sitting there on my hospital bed shortly after I birthed my baby, feeling those thoughts of like, oh my gosh, that was so bad. And no one told me it was to be that bad and blah, blah, blah. And literally having the thought because I wanted a lot of kids and I was like, how am I ever going to do that again? How am I ever going to go through that again? So when I walked into my second birth experience, guess what I believed? That I could do anything and I was going to rock that thing? Absolutely not.
I believed that it was going to go exactly the way it went the time before. And having that belief that was basically solidified in concrete after my first birth experience made the second experience all the more worse because I walked in with so much more fear than I did the first time. And if you know anything about fear and pain and how they correlate, that wasn't a good time for me.
So I see it all the time. Moms who could absolutely rock their labor experience, this mindset turns them into a passive patient just trying to survive it. And it's not because they're weak.
It's because nobody told them that coping is a muscle. And like any muscle, it has to be trained. Okay, so hear that from me today.
Do not let this myth of you either have it or you don't keep you stuck any longer. And I'm going to touch on this again, because I just touched on it on the last episode, the good girl mentality kind of thing. It's like from a young age, many of us were taught to smile, to stay quiet, to endure the hard things without complaint.
We were praised for not making a fuss and for being easy and for not needing too much. So when we start to feel fear around our birth experience, when we worry, we won't handle the pain, or we want more support, or we feel like we're falling apart, we don't ask for help, we judge ourselves, we say, Oh, I should be able to handle this, we shrink, we stay quiet, we try to be good. Even when our whole body is screaming for support.
And that mindset, it doesn't make you stronger, it makes labor harder. So today, we're going to redefine what coping actually is. Because coping isn't you gritting your teeth and pretending it's fine.
It's not trying to stay quiet and act brave. It's not your husband saying you've got this babe, while you're white knuckling through Pitocin hell. Coping is what happens when your body is surging, your mind starts to question and you have the tools to bring yourself back to a place of peace.
Coping is presence, it's partnership with your body with your team, with God, it's choosing to stay inside the moment instead of running from it. And it's learned. This is a learned skill.
I'm talking breathing and rhythm with your contractions or swaying your hips while you visualize your baby in your arms, or feeling your baby moved down and knowing exactly what that means. Or repeating scripture or a power phrase until your whole nervous system believes that it's true. Crying and transition but not panicking because you know that moment means you're so close.
Or asking for counter pressure or heat or music or silence because you've practiced it before labor got here. This isn't just birth prep. This is nervous system training.
And babe, you don't get that in your typical hospital birth class. You get it by choosing to treat labor like something you're going to lead, not just survive. And let's talk about why this matters so much because fear doesn't just feel bad, fear makes labor more painful.
There's a cycle and I'm sure you've heard me talk about it before if you're not new here. But if you are, we're going to chat about it real quick. It's called the fear tension pain cycle.
And here's how it works. You feel fear, your body tenses up, your muscles fight the contraction, it hurts more than it needs to, which makes you feel more afraid. And the cycle spirals out of control.
And that might sound ridiculous. And you might not believe that. And that's totally okay.
Because when I first heard about it, I was like, okay, that's like, that's dumb. Like, how does fear create the pain we feel in our birth experience. But now after having the experiences that I've had, and doing this work, and really working through my fears and learning how to cope and handle fear in the moment when it's coming up in the middle of all the chaos and everything.
And also reading about what God says about fear in the Bible. Like, how many verses are there about fear? Do not fear, do not fear. It makes total sense to me now.
And it took me from medicated, awful, terrible, painful experiences to beautiful unmedicated thought I called my midwives way too soon, because I was napping on the couch not having contractions, asked for a cervical check to see if they were staying or not didn't want to know the number. And then about 20 minutes later, when my baby was in my arms, they said, yeah, you were nine centimeters when we got here. And that's why coping is so critical.
Because when you know what's happening in your body, when you've practiced breathing and relaxing and releasing tension, you can break that cycle. You stop fearing the pain, you stop tensing up against it. And guess what, the pain reduces.
That's not a magic trick. That's physiology. So that woman that you saw on Instagram, the one moaning peacefully in the birth tub and breathing deep and surrendered and calm and just like the picturesque version of birth, like, is she really actually giving birth? Or is that like, fake? You know, maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's Maybelline. No, she doesn't have a secret birth gene. She has a strategy.
My births that I was just telling you about that were just like, so painful. So out of this world, like couldn't see straight. They weren't because of the experience that I was having.
They were because I walked in so unprepared, right? I said no epidural, but I didn't say no to everything else. Epitocin, vaginal exams, my water was broken without consent. I had zero tools, zero support, zero understanding of what was actually happening.
I literally felt like an extra that day. I felt like everything was being done to me, not for me, not with me in mind, not with me as the priority. It was like, okay, here you are, we're just going to do everything we need to do and then send you on your way.
And because I walked in that day, I suffered because of how underprepared that I was, not just physically either, like absolutely physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, like I just was wrecked. Right. And I don't want that for you, obviously, but I didn't know how to cope because nobody taught me how.
They just said, oh, it's going to hurt, but you'll be fine. Everybody does it. And if you're not, just get the epidural.
Now that experience compared to my fifth experience, which was literally pain-free, like I felt intensity, but not suffering. I felt power, not panic because I had prepared. I had trained.
I had support that didn't distract me or manage me, but honored me. I had a strategy. I had tools.
I had truth. And I had trust, not just in my body, but in God, in the process and in the preparation that I had put in most importantly. And that's okay.
Maybe not most importantly, I put God on that list. Come on, Taylor, get it together. Anyways, I was going to say, that's what I want for you.
Coping well doesn't come from hoping. Okay. It comes from practicing.
And that's exactly what I help you guys do on the podcast, on my live streams and my content on Instagram and Tik TOK in my emails that I send to you guys. And especially inside the birth prep course, maybe right now you feel really scared. You've had a hard birth before, or you've heard the stories, or you've always believed that you just don't do pain.
Well, maybe you're thinking, I don't know if I'm strong enough. What if I freeze? What if I fail? Let me speak directly to your heart. Fear doesn't mean you're not ready.
Okay. Fear just means you haven't been equipped. You're not too emotional.
You're not too sensitive. You're not too late. You're just early in the process.
And girl, you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Okay. God didn't give you this baby and forget to equip you.
But he often invites us to meet him in the preparation to show up, to train, to get wise. I'm like, I like, gosh, I see it all the time. People are just like, Oh, well, you know, the Lord's got it.
I'm like, okay, but what are you doing? What are you like? What are you doing? Unless the Lord said, sit on your hands and wait for me to drop in your lap. He wants you to pursue it. If he told you it's yours, you got to reach out and get it, you know? So do that work, right? Surround yourself with people and tools that remind you what's possible.
Um, I had one student recently, uh, who dm'd me in tears before she enrolled. She sent me a voice memo and she, you could just hear how like scared that she was. She was like, I want an unmedicated birth, but I don't think I'm strong enough.
I'm terrified of the pain. And fast forward a few weeks later, she is like practicing her breath work. She's educating her husband.
She's role playing these coping strategies. She's sending me little updates. She's so excited.
And I seriously love that for her. I love that I'm getting to be a part of her journey. But the other day she, um, she messaged me and said, well, I don't feel fearless, but I do feel ready.
And she absolutely knocked her birth out of the ballpark. She did it. She was only in the course for four weeks.
She was 30, 35 or 36 weeks when she joined. And she thought that she was too late and she was going to like, just drop the ball. And like, she didn't have enough time.
And I was like, girl, you have plenty of time. Like I literally have a prep path in there. That's for four weeks.
It gives you everything that you need to get done in that time, the non-negotiables, like what needs to get finished. And she did it. She put in the work and she pulled it off and it's not about being fearless.
Okay. I'm not preaching. Like you need to be fear-free in order to be ready.
Like that's not true. Fear is natural. Fear is normal.
And fear is absolutely going to come up doing something that's really, really hard. Or maybe you've had a previous traumatic experience, or maybe you are walking into a situation where you're not going to know everybody that's in the room that day, whatever the case may be. There's always room for fear for a healthy amount of fear, right? Fear is there for a reason.
What we're trying to do is remove the unnecessary fear. And she didn't have a pain-free birth. She felt every wave, but she coped through all of it.
Not because she was born with a high pain tolerance because she had had a previous birth. That wasn't great. Right.
And she was just introduced to this idea of like, what if birth could be way better than you've ever thought it could be or ever experienced it to be, but it's all because she trained for it. She practiced, she prepared, and that's possible for you too. We're not special.
We are not special. We just did the work. The work is available to literally anybody.
It's just a matter of giving your yes. And then following through, like I hear so many people, yeah, I want to do that. I want to do the work.
I even have like people in the course, like that bought the course, like spent the $400 on it and, you know, ask the questions in advance and like, Hey, how many videos are in there? And blah, blah, blah. That's like, okay, great. But have you even opened it? Have you done anything in listening to the podcast? I hear, I see y'all listening to this podcast.
Are you doing something about it? Are you putting in the work? Please do the work. Okay. It's so important.
And I hope I've convinced you of that today, but let's end with some action because I want you guys to walk away with action steps. We don't do fluff here. Okay.
So here are five ways that you can start building your coping muscles this week, one journal, your fears, and then speak truth back to them. So you're going to write down the stuff that's like haunting you, right? Like don't sugarcoat it, dump out all the yucky thoughts, the fears, all of that. And then ask, what is true about this? One thing I like to ask myself is what would I tell my daughter? If she said this about herself, that one usually cuts pretty deep.
Number two, I want you to practice one pain management tool for three minutes a day, breath work, getting in a hot shower, scripture, meditation, whatever it looks like. Um, don't wait until they were to figure out what works. Okay.
Start practicing now. And then three, I want you to create a coping menu. Okay.
Make a list of everything that makes you feel all the feelings you want to feel, but typically we want to feel safe and supported and strong and confident and, um, you know, loved and all the things, make a list of all the things that already make you feel that way. And this will be your go-to list. When things get difficult.
Number four, start training your partner. If he says, well, I'll just support you however I can, um, red flag, babe. Okay.
You need to teach him what support actually looks like. Give him a role to play that day, phrases, tasks, whatever. I help you do that inside the birth prep course.
If you are totally lost on what that looks like. Number five, I want you to make a real plan, not just a birth plan. Okay.
And like, don't hear me wrong. The decisions are so important. I urge you to make informed decisions for yourself and for your baby, for all of the decisions that need to be made that day.
But I want you to also make like a pain plan, right? A strategy for your body, your mind, your environment. I want you guys to go in fully prepared for that day. And one thing we talk about inside the birth prep course is an exhaustion prevention plan.
A lot of women get to the point where they're so tired. They can't even pretend to try to cope, right? Though that all that energy is going to contractions and to their body that needs it because it's doing the work. And I don't want you to get to that point of exhaustion.
So we get ahead of it and we work towards preventing it. So work on that too. This stuff is game changing stuff, but you don't have to become a whole different woman to cope with labor.
Okay. You just have to become a woman who prepares no more outsourcing your birth to your provider. No more assuming the hospital will just handle it.
No more telling yourself I could never because the truth is you can with the right strategy, the right tools and the right support. You'll walk into that birth space, feeling ready. You're not too late.
You're not too far gone. You're just one decision away from becoming the kind of woman who says, I'm not hoping I can cope. I know I can because I prepared like it matters.
If you want to build your coping muscles with me, come join me inside the birth prep course. It's all of this work that we just talked about step-by-step and so much more. Okay.
It's everything you need to do this work. I will help you go from panic to peace and from fear to fire. And from, I don't know what I'm doing to catch me running this birth, like a boss because girlfriend, you were made for this.
The link for the birth prep course is inside the show notes for you. You can find more information there and the information to enroll. Um, I also stuck my birth mindset workbook in the show notes for you guys.
It's totally free resource. Grab it. It has three of my favorite mindset tools to do with my students and my clients and they're game changers.
Okay. So you can download that straight to your phone for free journal on those things inside of there. Don't just let it rot in your inbox.
Okay. Okay. I love you.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for doing this work and I'll chat with you guys again next week until then as always happy.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
