(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bum and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. I'm so glad you're here.
I'm Taylor. If you're new here, birth prep coach, a five-time mama, a lover of the Lord, birth strategy nerd, big sister vibes all day long. I'm the oldest of six, just here to help you prepare for an unmedicated hospital birth.
We're honestly just trying to figure out how to avoid being steamrolled and labor in a system that sets you up for failure. Okay, this episode is for you. If that's what you are aiming for, that is what I'm here for.
We are done with the vague advice, the go the flow mantras, the hospital classes that teach you just how to be a good little patient, right, compliant instead of an informed woman, which is what we're cultivating here. So today we're going to bust all that wide open. We're going to be doing it with a little analogy that might just change how you see your entire birth preparation process.
Birth is a road trip. It has a destination. It's got a root, a vibe, and yes, if you're not intentional about it, you can end up very far from where you wanted to go.
So today I'm going to be walking you through the three-part birth map that every mama needs. So you don't end up on the side of the highway wondering how your birth got hijacked. So let's gas up the car and dive in today.
Part one is where are we going? Okay, so let me ask you, where are you going? And no, I don't mean to the hospital. Okay. I mean emotionally, spiritually, physically, what is the destination you are aiming for? One of the things that I ask my students inside the birth plan method, and something that I usually always touch on when I'm helping you guys plan your births and like my free events and stuff, I always ask you guys how you want to feel that day.
How do you want to feel on the day you give birth? How do you want to feel on your first day of motherhood or on the first day of meeting the next little love of your life? In all my years of doing this, I have never, not one time had anybody tell me that they want to feel traumatized or that they want to feel defeated or that they want to feel disempowered or that they want to feel sad or disconnected or used or manipulated or any of those negative emotions that women so very typically feel. Like 45% of new moms are leaving the hospital traumatized. And that's not okay.
Not on my watch. Absolutely not. Like that's not gonna fly here.
That was me for sure. And honestly, I think that number is probably downplayed because I didn't leave feeling like I wasn't able to name that feeling at the time. So if they would have asked me right afterwards, I'd be like, you know, birth just went how it went.
I did it. I got through it. Blah, blah, blah.
Like everyone was telling me, like I felt all the feelings in my body. Like I'd absolutely felt them, but I wasn't able to name them, especially once everybody was like, oh my gosh, that was so amazing. We're so proud of you.
You did it. That was awesome. Like no epidural.
You're super woman. But like, I'm like, gosh, maybe I shouldn't feel this garbage, even though I do feel this garbage. So I wasn't actually able to name those feelings, especially as a little 22 year old unhealed, carrying lots of trauma, didn't even know it girl.
Um, so I, I do think that number is downplayed, but even if it's not nearly half of the first time moms that are leaving the hospital are leaving with birth trauma. And I don't think anybody intends to drive right into trauma land. So this is the very first part of the map, because if you don't know where you're going, how will you know, if you're off course, most women I talk to say things like, well, I want a positive experience or I don't want to feel out of control or I want to go on medicated, but you know, we'll see how it goes, but here's the thing.
Birth just doesn't go anywhere. It responds to your environment, to your mindset and your team and your beliefs about birth and how much you prepared. And if you don't name your destination, clearly the system will name it for you.
They get a very specific result. Like truly, honestly, we can look at the statistics and see, okay, this is the result that the system typically gets. So if I don't do anything to change that, I can expect to get the result that the system typically gets, right? More often than not, the system gets the result of a managed labor, pain medication, and a whole lot of, well, we're doing this for your safety, even when it isn't about your safety at all.
So here's what I want you to do. I want you to visualize what your ideal birth actually looks like. I'm not talking about the perfect little delivery room with the twinkly lights, the Pinterest worthy ambiance and all that, like that stuff's important and that's great.
And you can absolutely think about that, but what would you love for your experience to be like if everything just went according to the plan, right? You made the plan and you made, you wrote down like everything that you wanted and how you wanted to feel and all the things, and everything went exactly how you wanted it. I want you to think about how you want to feel in your labor. I want you to think about how you want to be supported that day.
What does peace look like for you? What does having conversations with your provider look like in that moment? What would a Holy Spirit led birth look like for you? This is where I didn't have a clue with my first couple births. I was so focused on not getting the epidural that I didn't realize I had no vision beyond that. And spoiler alert saying no epidural isn't a destination.
It's a preference. And I think that so many not, I think I know, I know that so many of you are so wrapped up in the decisions that need to be made. And those are so important.
I'm not trying to diss those at all, but it doesn't stop there. Like those are the things that are supporting your vision. It's like, we walk in so visionless.
We walk in with a plan of, I want this, I want this, I want this. I don't want this. I don't want this.
I don't want this. And it's like, you expect that to just unfold into this beautiful experience, but you haven't even defined what beautiful is for yourself. Your destination or your vision is so much deeper than the decisions.
It's the kind of experience you want to walk away from saying, oh my gosh, I did that. Or God met me there in that space, or I was so supported and I was heard and I was strong. So before you map the route, name your destination.
And that is the very first step in becoming the head girly in charge of your birth story. Now that we know where you're going, next question is who's coming with you? Because let me tell you something. And I say this with so much love.
Not everybody deserves a seat in your birth space. I don't care if they're family. I don't care if they're experienced, if they do not align with your values and your vision and your vibe, they do not belong in the car.
Okay. Do you really want to go on a possibly 16, 24, 48 hour road trip with somebody who is second guessing you and be like, oh my gosh, you missed your exit. Or, hey, are you sure you're going the right way? Or, hey, are we, are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? So here is your permission slip.
Not that you need it, but here it is. This is your permission to get very picky with who you are having in your birth space and who is there to support you that day. Let's start with your provider.
You've heard me say this before, but I will say it again. And I will say it louder. Your provider works for you.
Your provider works for you. You are not there to serve your provider. Quite the opposite.
Your provider is there to serve you. You are paying them for a service. If you're going to a few appointments and you're expressing your vision for your birth experience, and they keep shutting it down or saying, oh, well, we'll just see how it goes.
Or they're just so unaligned with what you're trying to create. You should probably fire them. You're not going to go get your haircut at the same place by the same person and tell them about the thing that you want.
And then you leave with something totally different. Feeling so confused and be like, wait, were they even listening to me? Do they even know what they're doing? Are they even equipped to do? Did they even go to hair school? You're not going to keep going back there and paying that person. You're not going to keep going and getting what you don't want.
You are hiring somebody to walk through one of the most sacred, vulnerable, and powerful days of your life with you. And too many women are settling. They're choosing the OB that their best friend had, or the practice that their insurance covers, or the one their mom liked, or the first one that they called and that could get them into an appointment in the next few weeks.
And then they stay with them. Even when there are red flags flying at every appointment, you need someone who actually respects unmedicated birth. If that is what your goal is, someone who sees you as the expert on your body, who isn't afraid to say let's trust the process, even when the clock is ticking.
And if that's not your provider right now, you're not stuck. You get to switch. Yes.
Even now, if your baby is still in your body, it is not too late to switch your provider. Taylor, how do I know if my provider is supportive or if they're a walking red flag? Ask questions. Don't just ask questions like, oh, do you support unmedicated birth? No.
Ask, how do you support unmedicated birth? Get very specific and very curious, and then listen to them. They'll just be like, oh, well, maybe they're having an off day, or maybe they just didn't know how to answer the question. Okay, baby.
If they're, if they're supporting unmedicated births on a regular basis, they're going to know how to answer that question. Okay. Please do not gaslight yourself in this process.
They're going to tell you exactly what kind of provider that they are. And it is your job to listen to them and act accordingly. Then there's your birth partner.
And this can be a sticky subject. Okay. A lot of us are choosing our husbands, our partners, our baby's daddy as our birth partner, our main birth partner, at least.
And that is great. I love that for you guys. I obviously want you guys to be this beautiful, wonderful team, but not all of them are willing and able to learn how to support you in achieving the goals that you've set for yourself and for your birth experience.
Listen, I love a supportive man. I married one. He was not born knowing how to advocate for me.
Okay. He had to learn how our first birth experience together, like he was there, you know, he did whatever I asked him to do, but like, he didn't know how to step up and take action and lead and, and be the person that I wanted and needed without me having to lay it out for him. And I didn't even know what I needed either.
So we were a hot mess. Okay. And he stood there with me and he rubbed my back the whole time and he got me whatever I needed and all the wonderful things.
And also he didn't know how to ask questions and he didn't know how to stand up for something that I wanted. And in my third birth experience, when I had women literally physically turning me over after me telling them that I wanted to stay on my hands and knees to push, he didn't know how to step in. And when we were preparing for my fourth birth experience, we took that assignment very seriously.
And now he's pretty darn educated and he could tell you more than a lot of people can about birth. And that's not required. You don't have to be an expert in birth to be a good birth partner, but you do have to be an expert in you and what you want at the very least an expert in your plan.
With our last birth experience, I honestly didn't have to ask for anything. The only thing I asked him to do was to call the midwives. And honestly, I could have done that myself, but I don't like making phone calls.
I had like one crazy contraction on the toilet and I was like, oh my gosh, like that, that felt like a real labor contraction. My waters had been broken for like almost 10 hours at that point. And I just felt delusional as can be, but also I felt really clear about it too.
And I was like, you need to call the midwives for me, please. And he did. And that was the only thing that I honestly remember asking for that day.
He kept me fed and hydrated. He filled the birth tub. He knew we were going to need it.
He told me to take a nap at one point. He put lullabies on for me. I was on the floor on my knees and leaning on the yoga ball towards the end.
And I had just said like, oh, this baby's coming soon. And he just scooped me up and got me in the tub. He knew I wanted to live in the tub.
So he picked me up right off the ground. Didn't say a word to me, got me up and in the tub. And if he didn't do that, I would have probably had the baby on the rug.
And we would have had to throw that rug away because we were not prepared to have a baby anywhere else, but other than the tub, he caught our baby. When I was pushing, he was the one to pick her up out of the water and, you know, get her to my chest. And I didn't have to sit there and be like, Hey, like, can you do this? And Hey, can you do that? And all of the things like I just got to exist.
And I got to do what I needed to do. And he stepped up and did what he needed to do. But that was not on accident.
That was not the way he was wired from the beginning that took preparation. Your partner is your copilot. But if they don't know the route, they're just going to sit there while the hospital takes the wheel.
So teach them, train them, prep them like it matters because it does. And then there's everyone else, right? Maybe you have a doula or, you know, your nurses are going to be there, your mom, your best friend, whoever you have in the room with you that day, every single person in that room should be on board with your vision. If they're not helping you stay aligned with that, they're pulling you off track.
This is your car. You're the driver. Please choose your passengers wisely.
And I know I'm already going to get questions about like the nurse situation because you usually are not meeting your nurse crew until that day. And then maybe there's a shift change and they change all over again, right? You are allowed to fire people from your space. If somebody walks in and you're like, hey, can we talk about my birth plan really quick? Or maybe like, hey, my partner would love to go over my birth plan with you.
We're so excited to have your support, blah, blah, blah. And they dismiss it or they say that they don't have time to read it or they say that they don't have time to talk about it with you or they're just going to do whatever needs to be done, blah, blah, blah. That person probably isn't on board with you, okay? They probably need to leave.
If you don't have time to talk about my preferences with me real quick, you definitely don't have time to help me advocate for them or help me achieve them. And I will listen to you and I'll act accordingly. You need to be listening to these people, even your partner, right? Like, I'm going backtracking now, but like even your partner, if they are telling you consistently that they are not willing or able to show up for you in the way that you want and need, you might need to choose somebody else to be your main birth partner.
So please choose your passengers wisely. And then third and finally, how are you going to get there? This is the part that most women skip because this is where it gets real, right? You've got your vision, you've got your team. Now, how are you going to actually get there? This is the strategy, the actual route.
And let me be clear, hospital birth without a plan is a fast track to a birth you didn't want. Not because people are evil, but because the system has defaults, Pitocin, cervical checks, continuous monitoring, IVs, timeline pressure, policies and protocols. So if you don't walk in with a plan, the system's going to implement theirs and it it's probably not going to match your map.
Okay. So what do we do? We plan on purpose. This is the prep work, ladies.
This is where the preparation happens. Understand how your body works. Know what contractions are doing.
Know what hormones support labor. Know what actually helps progress. Cultivating an environment that works with your body, not against it, is so important and is not the typical experience you're going to get in the hospital.
You have to plan for it on purpose. Practice your pain management tools, breath work, movement, pressure, distraction, surrender. Do not wait until labor to figure out what works.
You have to plan on purpose. Train your team, help them understand that everybody is there in the room that day to support you in achieving the goal that you've set, but give them a specific role in that. Like everyone is there for the same goal, yes, but they're going to have very different roles that day.
Prepare your partner, share your birth plan in advance. Review your pain plan together. Make sure you guys have an exhaustion prevention plan.
Plan on purpose. Create an environment that supports you with the lights low and the voice is soft and your worship music on, the scriptures up, whatever helps you feel grounded and safe, the affirmations, the comfort items. Plan on purpose.
And then prepare for sometimes things shift. That doesn't mean your birth is ruined. If you've prepped from a place of clarity, you can pivot without the panic.
As long as you say it with me, plan on purpose. We do all of these things and more inside the birth prep course. This is the part where we go deep on because having the right strategy changes everything.
And it doesn't guarantee a perfect birth experience, but it does guarantee that you don't walk in blind and that you're equipped to make a new informed decision in the moment, or you are ready to handle things without panicking about it. It sets you up for your highest chance of success. So let's bring all of this together.
Where are you going? Who's coming with you? And how are you going to get there? These are the three parts of your birth map. And without even one of them, you're winging it. Okay.
You can have two and all the other, and it's like, okay, you're going in unprepared. You're going in without an essential piece of the puzzle. Okay.
We're not doing that. You don't need to wing it. Okay.
You don't need to hope for the best. You don't need to play small. You don't need to cross your fingers.
You don't need to pray. The hospital vibes are good that day. You can prepare, you can plan, you can partner with God and your body and your people, and you can create a birth story that you're proud of.
So here's what I want you to do. If you haven't already go download my unmedicated birth map, it's free, and it walks you through everything we just talked about today and more. It's filled with questions, a space to map things out, and it'll help you get your thoughts organized so you can stop spiraling and start planning on purpose.
I put the link for it in the show notes. And if you're ready to take that map and turn it into a full blown strategy, come and join me inside the birth prep course, because this is where we stop guessing. This is where we stop hoping.
And this is where we train. Okay. You were never meant to hand over the keys and hope for the best.
You were meant to lead. You are in the driver's seat. So buckle up, let's get on the road, and let's plan on purpose.
Thank you so much for being here and for listening. Thank you to those of you who have reached out recently in my DMs and in my emails and just sharing your thoughts about the podcast and the things that you're doing on your birth prep journey. I am so proud of you guys for doing this work.
I'm so glad that you're here taking in the information that I had to learn the hard way. I'm so honored to get to share it with you and be a small part in your preparation journey. It is truly the best thing.
I love this job so much. So thank you guys for being here. I'll chat with you guys again next week.
Until then, as always, happy prepping.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
