(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bump and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. I am trying really hard to not cry right now because I just finished recording this podcast episode and it just disappeared off my computer.
So we're going to do this again, and I am believing that this time is just going to be way better and you're going to get something that you needed from it that I didn't put in the first go around. Maybe. I don't know.
I'm trying to not spiral. So we're going to get into this. This is such an incredibly important topic, and I believe that wholeheartedly, right? Literally every single mama that is preparing for birth needs to hear what I need to share today.
Maybe that's why it disappeared. The enemy is literally always at work to seek, kill, and destroy. Interesting.
Well, you know what? I rebuke all attacks in the name of Jesus, and we're going to get into this today. This is something that I hear come up. You guys question this a lot, and the really important part about it is that it's usually only a question after you've had to learn the hard way that it needs to be asked.
What do you do when your provider pushes back? Because I wish I could tell you this doesn't happen often, and I wish I could say providers always support your plan and cheer you on and help you protect your preferences. But the truth is pushback is literally everywhere, and if you're not ready for it, it can derail your entire birth experience. So today we're going to talk about what pushback actually sounds like because it's way sneakier than you think, why it actually happens, what to do in the moment.
We'll talk about how to prepare ahead of time so you don't spiral or freeze or fall back into people-pleasing mode when it matters the most. So you ready? Let's get into it. Pushback isn't always loud or aggressive.
It's not always your provider saying no to your face, right? That's typically what we see in movies and what we think about when we think, oh, if your provider's pushing back on what you want, then it's going to be pretty obvious. No, that's not actually the case. In fact, it rarely is.
Most often it sounds like, well, that's just not how we usually do things here. Or sure, you can try that, but you're probably going to change your mind. That's not something we typically allow, right? That's against hospital policy.
We'll just see how things go. Or maybe they're laughing at your plan or dismissing you or belittling you or saying, well, you're a first-time mom, so good luck with that. Any comments like that that seem like, that's so funny, so cute.
No, it's not cute. It's pushback. And it's truly undermining your authority.
So have you dealt with any of these sneaky little ways to push back? Have you heard any of these phrases in your appointments already? A lot of you probably have. Maybe you left your appointment thinking, wait, was that just them being informative? Were they trying to shut me down? What was that? I want to make this incredibly plain and simple for you. If you leave a prenatal appointment confused or discouraged or questioning your plan, that's telling you something.
That's really good information to have, right? Your provider shouldn't be tolerating your birth plan. They should be supporting it. And if they're not supporting it, that's pushback.
Okay. But Taylor, by the sound of it, like it sounds like I've always been pushed back on. It sounds like all my friends have too.
And my mom and her mom and blah, blah, blah, all the people, right? Um, yeah, it's a major problem. That's why we're talking about it today and we need to get to the root of it real quick. Why does this actually happen? Because here's the deal.
Most providers are not monsters. Absolutely. Some out there for sure.
Um, but most of the time, they're just these good-hearted people that are working in a system that prioritizes efficiency over patients that fears liability more than it values your autonomy that is trained to manage birth, not to support it physiologically. Like most of the providers out there don't actually know how to support a physiological birth. That's a problem.
So when you come in and say that you don't want an epidural, or you want to move during your labor experience, or you're declining all your cervical checks or stating that you're totally fine with going to 42 plus weeks pregnant and waiting for spontaneous labor, they're going to be running all that information through their lens of knowledge and expertise and everything. And not yours, not through what you want, not through what you've learned, not through what you believe, not through anything, right? That's why you're the best one to make these decisions for yourself. And for your baby, most of them are taught that standard equals safety, but in reality, the standard equals routine and routine is not always safe, supportive, or aligned with what you want or need.
And this is why strategy matters so much, because if you walk into the hospital, thinking everyone will just automatically be on board with your plan, you're setting yourself up for like a major shock, total disappointment, and probably a birth that doesn't reflect you at all. Like ask me how I know, you know, actually, you know what, let's talk about that for a second. When I walked into my first birth experience, I truly believed that I was prepared, right? Because I did everything that people told me to do.
I went to the hospital birth class. I listened to my providers during my appointments. I asked questions.
I went to every single appointment. I read all my pregnancy apps every single day, four of them. I was like crazy about it.
I Googled my butt off that entire pregnancy. I joined the Facebook groups. I did all the things.
I talked to other women who have been there, done that, who had multiple kids who were sharing their experience, who were sharing tips and tricks and all the things. I did literally everything that I need to do. I truly believe the walking in with my plan, which wasn't an actual plan, but my wanting, my desire for an unmedicated or, you know, no epidural vaginal birth experience was enough, paired with all that work that I did, right? Like I was working the whole time, the whole nine months I was doing stuff.
I was learning the things. But then I get there and the nurse walks in and says, okay, let's get your IV started. And I didn't say anything because she didn't ask me a question.
When my OB said, we need to break your waters now. I believed him. I didn't even ask why when they offered IV pain meds, I said yes, because I didn't know there were other options and they made it sound like I wasn't going to be able to continue without them.
Like, I'd be crazy to say no. Almost like I was signing myself up for a C-section if I didn't. I left that birth feeling defeated.
I avoided the epidural. Great. We accomplished the plan on paper, but like, I didn't feel powerful.
I definitely didn't feel like the main character of my birth. I felt like somebody that was just in the room. They were doing things to me, not with me, not for me.
I definitely didn't feel like anybody truly had my back, including myself. I had no strategy. I had no practiced responses.
I had no idea how to navigate pushback in the moment. I had no idea how to even identify it. When you're not ready for pushback, you often don't even know that it's happening.
You usually don't realize that you gave the control to your providers. It was yours to keep. You just didn't know how to do that or worse.
You didn't even know it was yours to begin with. So how do we actually deal with this? How do we handle this? What should we be doing? What should we be doing instead of what we're already doing? Let's get into some real life tools for handling pushback like a true head girly in charge. Number one, you need to know your why.
Don't just be writing no epidural on a piece of paper and be like, here, this is what I want. Thank you. Ask yourself why that matters to you.
Okay. Why do you not want an epidural? Why? If you don't know that, now is the reason and it doesn't have to be a special reason. Do you want to know why I was able to leave the room without an epidural that day? Because I was so grounded in my why.
Do you know how dumb my why was? I did not want that long, scary needle in my back. The end. That was it.
Anytime that it was mentioned, it was so easy for me to say no to that. Even when my birth felt like life was caving in on me, like I was literally dying, even though it was that bad. It never once crossed my mind to say, Hey, can I get that epidural now? Because I was so grounded in why I didn't freaking want it.
Your why doesn't have to be this big educational response, or even it doesn't even have to be shared. As long as you are grounded in why you are choosing what you were doing. No is a complete sentence.
It is so much easier to say no when you are grounded in why you are doing the things you are doing. Now, what I rather you have a why that's grounded in some serious education on risks and benefits and backed by strategy and all the things. Of course I do.
But I want you to hear me that it doesn't even take all that. All right. Of course, that's ideal, but it doesn't take all that.
Knowing why you want to do something or why you don't want to do something makes it so much easier to actually advocate for it. Number two, I want you to practice your responses out loud. Okay? You have to be able to say things like, no, thank you.
I'm declining that I'd like to wait a few minutes before making a decision. Can you walk me through my alternatives? Can I take a moment to discuss this with my team? I've already answered this question. If something changes, I will let you know, you do not need to ask again.
Your voice is a muscle. You can't expect it to activate in labor. If you've never used it during your pregnancy.
Ooh, let me say that again. You cannot expect your voice to just magically appear when you're in your birth space. When you never actually tried to use it during your prenatal experience.
Let me teach you a little tool real quick. We'll just put this as 2.5, because this is not on my list, but it's something I teach my students all the time and something that you need to have. I'm going to teach you how to use your brain.
And I know you guys are smart. It's not like that. It's an acronym.
Okay. Here are the letters B R A I N. What are the benefits? What are the risks? What are the alternatives? What does my intuition say? And what if I do nothing? What if I do nothing yet? What if we watch and wait like that kind of vibe, learn how to pause and say, Hey, I need to think about this for a minute, or I need to ask you some questions, or I need to discuss this with somebody else. I need to get a second opinion real quick.
Can you bring in another nurse, benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, and nothing. Memorize it, write it down, stick it in your birth bag, teach your partner how to do it. Make sure your dual is on the same page, all the things, whatever you've got going on.
This tool is a game changer in ensuring that you are getting informed consent or as close to it as you possibly can in the moment. Number three, I need you to know your rights. You are allowed to decline literally anything.
Your provider may have preferences. The hospital may have policies, but you have the power. Okay.
And the power is yours to keep in your hands. And you don't need to be rude. You don't need to be aggressive about it.
You don't need to be like, we're scared of being labeled all these things, right? Like, Oh, like, especially the good girl mentality that we're taught our whole lives. You can be assertive without being those things. And also if they're going to label you as those things, that's fine.
Let them do that. But please let your no be an entire sentence. Okay.
Remember the clearer, the better the, Oh, well, you know, I don't really want an epidural, but we'll see how it goes. No, say I'm declining an epidural today. You don't have to ask me again.
If I want to discuss it at any point or reassess the situation, I'll let you know the clearer, the better. And number four, please bring support who knows your plan. You should not be fighting for your birth preferences while you're in the middle of a contraction, your partner, your doula, your mom, whoever you're bringing with you, whoever you are having on your team, they need to know your goals and how to help protect them.
Okay. They need to know how to advocate for you when, and if you don't want to do that, they need to know what your plan actually is. They need to know your why they need to know when they need to step in and when to speak up.
Um, actually, you know what, we're literally talking about this on Friday. So if you need help prepping your partner, this is literally this week's topic for a birth prep power hour inside my Facebook group. I go live every single Friday at 1 PM, Eastern standard time.
And I try to, you know, tackle a little birth prep topic every week. And then we have question time and all that. And it's great time.
Um, if you want to come to that, come to that. It is this Friday. We're talking about birth partner prep.
If you, if it's too late and you missed it, um, still join, you can watch the replay and you guys can drop questions in that Facebook group anytime that you want. Anyways, that kind of got derailed there, but, um, let me recap these really fast for you. Number one is to know your why number two is to practice your responses out loud, a little bonus one for you.
Uh, 2.5 we're calling it is to use your brain. What are the benefits? What are the risks? What are the alternatives? What does my intuition say? And what if I do nothing or nothing yet? Um, number three is to know your rights, girl, you can Google those. You could probably look up your hospital's website.
I would almost guarantee that they're going to be on there in some way, shape, or form. Um, all my local hospitals have their rights right on their website. Very easy to find.
Um, and finally, number four, bring support with you who knows your plan and is willing and ready and able to support you in the way that you want and need to be supported. Now those are all pretty simple action steps, but if you don't actually do them, this is pointless information. So put it on your calendar, do something about it.
We just talked about this, I think in the last episode that information without action is just information while information is fantastic. It doesn't really get you to where you want to go. You have to back things with action in order to set yourself up for the results that you are looking for.
Side note really quick. If you've listened to this episode and you're like, gosh, I'm like being pushed back at every single appointment. My providers rolled their eyes at my plan.
And I don't think that they're actually going to support me. If you are already feeling unsure about your provider, if you've tried to advocate and they dismiss you, if they don't believe in unmedicated birth, I have literally heard providers say that, that they don't believe in it. I don't even know what that means.
Like, what does that even mean? You don't even, you don't believe in our body's design. Okay. That's wild to me, a friend.
I want you to hear me. It is not too late to switch providers. Okay.
I don't care if you're 24 weeks, 34 weeks, or literally two days away from your due date. If your baby is inside your body, it is not too late to switch. You deserve to birth with people that actually support you.
Not just people that let you try or play nice or say one thing, but do the opposite. You need people who fully and truly and honestly and deeply and absolutely support you. You deserve nothing less.
If that's not your current provider, consider firing them and hiring somebody new. Please don't forget that that's the dynamic here. You are the paying customer.
You are quite literally paying for a service. And I don't care if it's zero out of pocket for you. Your insurance is paying for it.
It is still paycheck in their pocket in exchange to serve you. We have a system that's set up to serve the providers, which is so incredibly backwards. We're not doing that.
Not you, not on my watch. You don't need random information or someone else's birth story. You need an actual plan, not a list of preferences, an actual plan that you can back with action.
You need a strong mindset that is going to be able to back the work that your body's going to be doing. You need confidence in your voice and where you stand as the authority figure in your space. Some HGIC energy, if you will.
I have an entire step-by-step system to help you get ready for this. The birth prep course. I don't just teach you what to put on your birth plan.
I teach you how to back it with action, how to actually use it like the tool that it is. I teach you how to navigate pushback with confidence, how to walk into that hospital room as the head girlie in charge and how to birth on your terms. We've got October mamas enrolling right now, but September due dates.
I need you to hear me. You still have time. Okay.
Inside. I just recently added this. I added, uh, prick your pick your prep path.
Of course, why did I do that? Because Taylor loves alliteration. Um, pick your prep path, basically to do lists, depending on how much time you have left or how much you actually want to dive into things. So we've got like a four week plan, a six week plan and a 12 week plan.
Of course, I'd love for you all to come and join me at 20 weeks pregnant and have all the time in the world to do this work and get the support that you need and learn all the things and deep dive and have time for all the actions to back it up. But that's not the case. And I know that's not the case.
I have seen women pull off so much in a matter of days though. So please do not be discouraged. Please do not think that you're running out of time.
You still have an entire month or more to prepare. And I know there's a lot of you out there because September is the most popular birth month. My birthday is in September.
And fun fact, I am one of six children, three of us have September birthdays all in the same week. Do you know why that is? Because my mom really loves Christmas. Nine months before September is Christmas and New Year's and everybody's feeling holly jolly and all the things.
So there's a lot of babies born in September. Since I know there's a lot of you and also because it's September and I love September, um, I am going to give you guys a coupon for the birth prep course, which I have literally never done. The price is the price.
And sometimes I'll add bonuses and fun stuff like that or like a little bonus call or a retreat or something. Um, but I'm giving you guys 50 bucks off. So if you want that, that is in the show notes, check it out.
Uh, you don't have to be doing September to use it. If you've been contemplating it, been on the fence, this is the best time to get in there. I probably will not do this again anytime soon, at least.
Um, so check that out. And if you have any questions at all about the birth prep course, my DMs are always open. My emails are always open.
I'm here to help you decide if this is a correct fit for you or not. I will forever and always be here to help you ladies get results, not here to sell you something that you do not need. Do I believe that most of you need this? Absolutely.
I stand on this work a hundred percent. Um, but I am totally open to talking about your specific situation and seeing if it's the correct fit for you and your personal birth prep journey. All the information for that is in the show notes for you, but that is it for today's episode.
I hope you walk away feeling equipped. Pushback is real, but it doesn't have to wreck your birth. Not when you know who you are, not when you've got a strategy, not when you're prepped on purpose.
If this helped you today, send it to a friend, post it on your stories, make sure you tag me, um, or leave a review on your podcast app. Your support helps more mamas find this information. And I'm so grateful every time this gets in more hands.
Uh, don't forget birth prep power hour is Friday at 1 PM. Eastern standard time. We're covering birth partner prep.
You do not want to go into labor without this conversation. That's got here. So perfect timing.
I love you guys. I'm so proud of you. I'm rooting for you and I'll chat with you guys again next week until then as always happy prepping.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
