(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bum and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. I have a bit of a hot take today, which is nothing new in this arena.
Let's be real. I have a lot of hot takes about birth and that's probably why you're here because you want to hear about them. And as always, I am not here to be liked.
I am here to be a resource, to give you the information that you need to make informed decisions and to make sure that you are educated and ready for whatever that day brings. You've probably already read the title of this episode. The hospital is not your friend.
It's also not your enemy. So I want to talk to you guys from a neutral standpoint of hospital being a tool, not a teammate, not something that is out to get you, just a tool that you get to utilize in your experience if you so choose. And I think reframing this could actually really be so beneficial to so many of you.
I know it would have been beneficial to me, not even before my hospital births, but afterwards as well. Before I had my come to Jesus moment in the hospital, when I realized that the hospital wasn't serving me, I definitely thought and believed that the hospital was there to serve me, right? I believed that you were going to walk in and you were going to give them the plan and they were going to do everything in their power to make sure that that happened. And I believed that everything that they were implementing truly without my consent or with coerced consent was because it was in my best interest and it was the best option for me and my baby.
And that like, those were like my beliefs. Having the belief that the hospital was my friend, wasn't really creating the space for me to be the authority figure and for me to have the experience that I wanted and to speak up and do those things. I didn't question anything.
I truly believed that they were my friend, right? But then on the other side of that, like awakening moment for me. And if you don't know, during my third birth, I was crowning with my baby and I knew that I wanted to be on my hands and knees. And I knew that was an option having the education that I did at that time, which wasn't a lot, but it was some.
And I knew that I wanted to stay that way to birth my baby. And I knew that that was a possibility that other women were doing it too. And they told me repeatedly that I was not allowed to, and I was fighting with these people.
I didn't know how to fight with them properly. And they ended up physically turning me over. And I realized in that moment that, oh my gosh, they're doing everything the way they want to do it.
And it didn't matter what I wanted. Now speaking up for the first time when your baby is crowning, I don't recommend. That's kind of, that's why I tell you guys all the time to start having these conversations in your prenatal appointments and start setting the tone for head girly and charge behavior from the get-go.
So these people know who they're dealing with because my team thought they were dealing with this passive patient because they were. So when I decided to say something, yes, they should have listened no matter what, but they weren't expecting me to say something. And they knew if I, we just push a little bit that she's just going to agree because she's agreed to everything else today with little to no effort on our end.
Like let's be real. So zero out of 10 do not recommend. This is why I teach you guys the way I teach you.
But after that, like moment where it literally felt like in a TV show where you see like all the little pieces and you're flashing back and it's like that realization moment where it's like, it all hits you at once. That's what it was like for me when I was there, literally birthing my child. And I didn't know what birth would look like for me in the future, but I vowed in that moment that it would never look like that again.
Cue the hyper fixation on birth education. I did so much digging so much so that I kind of turned into a little bit of a hater for a bit there. I'm like, the hospital is my enemy.
And that's not a helpful mindset either. And this might be a little turnoff for some of you because it's a little conspiracy theorist tinfoil hat vibes, but also it's all there. If you want to do the digging yourself and try to prove me wrong, you'll find exactly what I found.
But the same companies that own majority stock in ACOG, the people who are teaching our doctors, deciding what they're learning are the same people who own the hospitals, the same people that produce Pitocin, the same people that are producing the leading postpartum anxiety and depression drugs, the same people that are producing the leading, uh, birth class curriculum that's done in the hospitals, teaching you how to do it, how to be a good little patient, right? So these people have their hands in every little piece of the pie and the system is running as they designed it to, to produce demand for their services, repeat customers, and walking billboards. Literally. How many times have you heard, well, I would have died if I had my baby at home, or I'm glad you're going for a natural birth, but I could have never, I would have died if I didn't have a C-section.
And while some of those experiences might very well be true and real, a lot of the experiences that we hear about are manufactured. It's how the system was designed, the cascade of interventions, all the things. If you have not watched it yet, please, I urge you before you give birth in a hospital, before you give birth in general, please watch the business of being born.
It's a documentary. It lays it all out. It lays out the whole process, the cascade of interventions, all the things, and it really shed some light on how the system operates.
Because the birth system is an industry. It's a business. It's there for profit.
But here's the thing. These nurses and these providers and stuff usually are not even the slightest bit aware that this is how the system operates. They are taught, this is the way to handle it.
If this happens, this is how we manage it. If this occurs, this is what we implement. And they are taught that that is what is best.
So while I do know the things that I know about the system and how it operates, I don't believe that the hospital is necessarily our enemy. And I do believe that that kind of mindset can be really harmful as well, which is why I want to talk to you guys a little bit more today about the hospital being a neutral tool that we get to utilize when and if we want and need to. Not every mother wants to have a birth at home.
Not every mother can. Not every mother is dreaming of that for themselves. Some women want the access to the medical interventions but might not want to implement them unless they're absolutely necessary.
And I know that's a lot of you. A lot of you want to have a basically a home birth vibe inside the hospital. And that's what I teach you how to do.
But that can actually take a lot of effort and work as you probably know by now. All the things that I talk to you guys about, all the work that you have to do, all the mindset stuff, all of the education, like we aren't taught these things that we actually need in order to pull off that experience. So while it is very much possible, it is not the norm because unfortunately, unmedicated, physiological, easy, unintervened with births, that was mouthful, but you get what I'm saying.
These type of births are not profitable. They are not good for the bottom line, which is why they're very rarely happening inside the hospital system. When we look at the statistics like the epidural statistics and Pitocin statistics and C-section statistics, it's like, this is crazy.
This is crazy, crazy. But guess what? You get to create a different experience here because you're knowledgeable about this stuff, because you are going to go in with the mindset of the hospital being a tool that is there for your use. The people that you are hiring are there to serve you in the way that you want and need to be supported.
You are quite literally paying for a service. You get to walk in and literally steer this experience. You don't have to get steamrolled.
You don't have to act like everybody's out to get you. You get to walk in and steer it coolly, calmly, beautifully as head girly in charge. Why? Because you're doing the work required to do so.
Most women do not ever even touch this work. Most women don't know this work is an option, but you are here showing up. You're learning the skills.
You're learning the information that you need. You are quite literally doing what's required of you to show up as head girly in charge and to run that room the way you need to in order to pull off the experience that you're dreaming of. And that's freaking awesome.
Okay. Let me stop yelling at you. Deep breath, Taylor.
Okay. I got a bit ahead of myself because of course I did. I do have tips.
We're going to get there. I have a whole framework for you, actually. She's organized today.
Um, but before we dive into that, I do want to talk a little bit more about this reframe for your mindset. I really want you to understand that the system does not equal the people. So hospitals are running on this system based thing, right? They have protocols and liability and output that's required and shift changes and on-call culture and all these things, right? That's not inherently evil.
It just is what it is. It's just how the system works. It's it's set up for efficiency and profit and all the things, but it just, it is what it is.
And if you're going to step into that system, if that is a choice that you are making, you have to navigate it for what it is. But when we're experiencing friction in the birthplace, it's usually coming from a translation problem. And that is this policy first versus patient first.
I think a lot of us expect it to be patient first, but they're taught that it's policy first and not all doctors push their policies so hard, but a lot of them do. But I need you to remember this. You are the client.
You are the paying customer. You're hiring a team for a specific job, supporting a physiological unmedicated birth inside of a hospital. When you stop expecting the system to act like your bestie and start steering it like a tool, everything gets a lot clearer.
Okay. I just wanted to say all that like in a cohesive way, because I got a little ranty there in the beginning. Sorry.
Next, we're going to talk about the steer framework. It is totally possible to steer yourself and your team and the experience to the destination that you want. If you have not already grabbed my unmedicated birth map, what are you doing? It's free.
I'm just kidding. You should grab it. It's a good resource.
It teaches you all the things that you need to actually do in order to pull off an unmedicated birth in the hospital. Um, but I relate it all to like a road trip, right? We're going to talk about where we're headed and who's coming with you and how you're going to get there. And like, I relate it to a road trip.
And I think that this ties into that. We're talking about like steering, like you would a car. It is your job and your responsibility to make sure your car ends up in the destination that you want it to be in.
And I understand sometimes the plan needs to change and for very good reasons, right? You got to take that exit because body and baby demanded it, right? For whatever reason, I am strictly talking about the things that are within our control because you have so much more control than you've been led to believe. And I remember my business coach years ago saying this to me. She's like, Taylor, you have to get out of other people's business.
You have to get out of God's business and you need to stay in your own business. And that is something that has stuck with me. Not because it was just like, so this some profound thing that like changed my business forever, but it was like, I could apply that to so many situations.
Like how often are we in other people's business or God's business? And like, we need to stay in our lane. But anyways, let me not get off on a side tangent here. This year framework is something that you can use from the very moment that you arrive at the hospital.
This first one we're outsourcing to our partner. We're outsourcing this to our partner the whole day. Okay.
They might have to say it more than once, but that's okay. Cause it's 10 second thing. You are first and foremost going to S set the vibe.
Your partner is going to give a 10 second room brief to whoever needs to hear it, right? And if they did shift changes or there's a new nurse that walks in or whatever, your partner is going to reiterate this. Hey, we're planning a mobile unmedicated birth. We prefer intermittent monitoring, consent-based checks, varied pushing positions.
We're going to ask for anything that we need, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Insert your preferences here, right? Whatever that looks like just very, very quick, very simple, very straight to the point. Like you're going to get a lot of information in that 10 second sentence that you're going to come up with.
Furthermore, for setting the vibe, you also are going to want to consider the physical environment. And again, this is something that probably should be outsourced. You should not be dealing with this, but it should be communicated in advance with your partner.
So Hey partner, make sure the lights are as low as possible, that there's one primary voice that's talking to us. And through you, maybe, you know, if you don't want to be talked to, I don't like to be talked to. I'm like, talk to him about it.
That's not my problem. We keep the door closed whenever possible. We keep people at a very minimum.
We have playlists going. Maybe you created like one for your calm vibe stuff and one for like your power, like for pushing, whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter.
You get to decide how you want to do it that day, but that kind of stuff can quite literally change the entire culture of the room. So number one, S set the vibe. Number two is T test alignment.
You're going to want to do this. Maybe when you're in admission or you're in triage and like you're deciding to admit you or not, you're just going to ask these quick little questions that you get to ask. And you get to listen very carefully to the kind of responses because you're going to get an overall idea of what you're going to be fighting against, right? Because you already know how you want to do things.
It's just a matter of how much, how much fight am I going to have to put up to get there? So asking things that are going to be telling, like, how do you handle consent for cervical checks here? Or how do you support upright or sideline or hands and knees pushing positions, insert like whatever you want to do there. How like, how are those supported? Do you have any tools for that? Do you have hands-on support available? What kind of tools do you have for natural pain management? What's the process for getting things back on track when you guys feel like labor has stalled? There are so many things that you can ask about here. Intermittent monitoring, cord cutting, etc.
Like there's so, you know, pick a few things, have them rehearsed and ready in your little pocket and be ready to listen for red flags, green flags. And we talked about a lot of that in the last episode, like asking really good questions and really listening to what the answers are. And while we're not here to change anybody's minds, you are just basically giving yourself the upper hand before you even walk in the room or maybe freshly into the room before anything really gets like super duper intense where you're like, okay, this is what I'm up against.
This is what I'm going to be battling today. Hopefully it's smooth sailing and easy and they're so on board to support you and what you want. But oftentimes I understand that that is not the case.
And I do always want to prepare you guys for worst case scenario. The real thing here is that you're listening for partnership language, not like we don't allow or policy says blah, blah, blah. Like we're looking for partnership, not shutdown.
Next up, we have our first E which is established boundaries. From what I've experienced over the years is that a lot of people don't actually understand what a boundary is. And I'm not talking about the people that cross them.
I'm talking about the people that set them and create them. When you create a boundary, you are basically drawing a line in the sand and you are telling others, Hey, this is the line in the sand. You are not to cross this line.
If this line is crossed, this is what will happen. This is what I will personally do. If this line is crossed, this is how I'm going to protect the line.
I think a lot of want to draw the line in the sand and expect everyone to just stay on the other side of the line. And while of course, yeah, we'd love that. That's way easier than standing up and sticking to a boundary boundaries are only as strong as, and only as effective as you are capable of holding that boundary.
So if you set the boundary that, Hey, we need consent before every single procedure. And then the nurse comes in an hour later and says, Hey, we're going to do a cervical check. You're going to say, no, you're not going to do a cervical check.
You didn't ask for my consent. Would you like to start again? And if there's an issue with you reiterating the boundary, and then there's no correction afterwards, that's a red flag. Or if your boundaries are continually overstepped, then at that point, take it up a notch.
You're going to fire this person from your space. Hey, actually, could you get the charge nurse? I need to talk with them. Normalize firing people who are not serving you.
If it's a fight, every time that one nurse walks in your room, why are they still there? You literally only need people that are there to support you. So establish those boundaries, communicate them with your team, outsource this to partner if you need to. Okay.
I strongly suggest outsourcing as much as humanly possible because you know, you're going to be a little busy that day. Okay. You're going to be doing a lot of work as it is moving on to the next E engage your allies.
I would love for you guys to all have some sort of nurse ally in your hospital space. Someone who is hearing your wishes of like prioritizing movement, position changes, intermittent monitoring, you know, things like that. Consent-based checks, minimal interventions, ask them like, what helps you protect that for us? You want someone that's going to hear your plan and desires and that are on board with actually helping you create that.
If needed, maybe you're looping in the charge nurse. Hey, could we involve the charge nurse to help individualize this experience while also staying safe? Sometimes you got to go up the chain a little bit and be like, listen, like I'm not really having much success with the nurses here right now. Is there somebody better suited to equip me or somebody better suited to support me today? So that second E is engage allies.
And finally R is to reassess every 30, 60 minutes, however long you decide to put these little reassess windows at, like just ask yourself or ask your team these questions. Like what is baby showing? Like what's working? Do we keep the plan? Do we adjust? Do we need to, you know, put a time on things and like say, okay, we need to reassess things here. We need to rest.
Do we need to watch? Do we need to wait? Do we need some extra monitoring for a little bit? Maybe things have changed a little bit. Labor's taking longer than they expected or what you were hoping to even see yourself. Maybe your team's getting a little antsy.
Your team is recommending all these things that you really didn't want to do. And you know, the evidence tells you that you can wait a little longer. So maybe you need to reassess and say, Hey, is this team still a, you know, the best team for me today? Do we need to get some fresh people in here? Do I need to get in the shower for a little bit? Do I need to change up positions more often? It's important to go in with the mindset that you're not married to the plan, right? Yeah.
You might still be really invested in the destination where you're trying to get, but getting there might not look exactly how you planned it to look or what you wanted it to look like. And honestly, it's probably not going to look what you planned it to look like or what you wanted it to look like. So you have to be willing to reassess things and be like, okay, this is still where I want to go.
We might need to take a different path. We might need a little detour on this trip. So just remember to check in with yourself and be realistic about what is happening and what you're experiencing and what needs to maybe shift.
And this is why we go in with so many tools and skills so that you can try so many different things. And after 30 to 60 minutes, you're like, okay, is this actually helping? Is this not like, let's try something else. If it's not, let's keep going if it is.
So that's how you're going to steer your experience. You're going to set the vibe. You're going to test alignment.
You're going to establish boundaries and uphold them. Amen. Okay.
We're going to engage our allies. And then we're going to reassess frequently to stay on top of things, despite going in and steering your experience and doing all the things that I've taught you and all that stuff, you might still find yourself in some sticky situations. So before we wrap up for the day, I want to just touch on those and what that might look like in real time, some scripts, if you will, and no, you don't have to do these word for word.
You get to decide how you respond to these moments. But really our goal here is to keep it warm, to keep it firm, to keep it assertive. We are smiling with our words, not our rights.
Okay. We're not bending over backwards and taking anything that they're trying to throw at us. We are holding the line firmly, kindly.
We have to keep in mind that the typical woman goes in and lets them do whatever they want to do. So that's probably what they're expecting. Makes their job easier, right? To just do what they need to do when they want to do it, how they want to do it.
But that's not the kind of woman that they are dealing with here. You are going to be walking in a lot differently. They may have quite literally never experienced anybody like you going about things in the way that you are going to be going about them and the history of their career.
So be prepared for pushback. Okay. So here's just a few things that you might encounter.
These are things I hear all the time. This happened to me all the time. This is how they worded things for my experiences.
I just didn't know how to, how to respond the way I'm going to teach you guys how to respond. Okay. So first example, you shared that you wanted intermittent monitoring and the nurse says, well, our policy says that we have to do continuous monitoring instead of being a passive patient and just agreeing to that and saying, oh, well, I guess it's policy.
Okay. I guess that's my only option. You get to push back here.
We are not consenting to continuous monitoring. We're low risk and we'll use intermittent monitoring while mobile. If a specific concern arises, please explain it.
And we'll reassess that recommendation with that context. Again, reiterating that you are the one that is going to be making the decision, even if they think it's best, even if something arises where they think, oh, hey, listen, this should change your stance on things. That doesn't necessarily mean that you will, you can follow it up with, please document this, that we've declined continuous monitoring after discussing our options and that we consent to intermittent monitoring only at this time.
Or maybe you're okay with a 20 minute baseline monitoring, like, hey, I'll be on these monitors for 20 minutes. Then we'll switch to intermittent monitoring. As long as everything's looking good.
Again, you get to decide what this looks like. All you have to do is continually reiterate it until you're tired of it. And then maybe we need to fire that person.
Another one I hear all the time. And one that was done to me is, hey, we're going to break your waters to speed things up. Hey, we're actually declining AROM right now, artificial rupture of membranes.
We'll try position changes and we'll reassess in 60, 90, in certain amount of time here. If there's specific medical indication, please explain and we'll revisit. Another one that women hear all the time, myself included, was to get on your back to push.
Hey, it's time to get on your back. Hey, we need to move you to your back. No, I don't consent to pushing on my back.
I'm going to start how I am. I'm going to start upright. I'm going to start, you know, on my side.
I'm going to start hands and knees, whatever you want to do, right. You get to choose. And I will let you know if I want to change and need assistance.
If consent is totally bypassed or the tone is off for whatever reason, you just immediately reset the situation. Say, hey, I did not consent to that. You need to stop.
Let's talk before anything else happens. And if things start to escalate, you're going to escalate them up above their head. Hey, I'd like to talk to the charge nurse, please, to join us for this situation.
And this one I never experienced myself. At least I don't remember it. But I've had a few women reach out and like explain their experience with this.
It's like they were asking them to keep talking through contractions, like demanding answers right then and there. Set the boundary in advance that you want to pause during contractions and you can continue those during the rest period. They don't last very long, typically a minute, a minute and a half max.
If it was a true emergency and you really needed to make a decision in literally 60 seconds or less, you probably would be on your way to the OR. So take the time. Do not let them dictate how and when you respond.
You get to decide. And then for any recommendations that maybe you weren't planning on encountering or whatever, just put it through the brain method that I teach you guys. What are the benefits? What are the risks? What are the alternatives? What does my intuition say? What if we do nothing or nothing yet? We watch and wait.
We reassess in an hour, two hours, three hours, whatever. Things like, hey, we need to start Pitocin or we need to implement this, that, the other, whatever. You get to say, hey, what if we just watch and wait? What if we get into different positions for a bit? What if we get a little more mobile? What if I take a walk? So those are just some in real life examples that I wanted to give you guys that you may encounter, may encounter something like that.
And just give you an idea of like how you might want to respond to that as a head girl in charge, as someone who is upholding their boundaries, coming at things in a firm and assertive but kind way. And I'm not trying to tell you guys that you need to say no to everything, right? You obviously get to decide what you say yes or no to. I think there's a time to accommodate and there's a time to escalate.
Like if it's a minor little workflow ask that doesn't reduce mobility or hindering your right to informed consent, et cetera, like things like that. I just don't think like, you kind of have to ask yourself, is this worth the fight? Like if they asked you to switch rooms or if they asked you to retape the head block on your hand or whatever, it's like, that's okay. Sure.
No problem. Like, let's just get that done and get it over with. And that's not something worth your energy to fight about.
But there's also a time to escalate when you get repeated pressure without like any actual reasoning or your consent is bypassed or your mobility or your monitoring is restricted despite the conversations and the reassuring clinical picture and all of that. If you're hearing those red flags, like we don't allow or everybody gets or everybody does this and it's our policy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So there's a time to accommodate and a time to escalate and you get to decide if it's worth your time and energy.
I just kind of like compare it to my kids, like specifically my toddlers and my daughter that's on the spectrum. She's five. And she sometimes just wants to do things her little way.
Sometimes those things are dangerous and we need to immediately stop that. And there has to be some sort of a fight there. And there has to be like a correction and an education moment and all of that.
Some things, it's not worth it, right? You want to wear your butterfly costume to church. That's honestly not my problem. Everyone's going to love it.
They're going to compliment the crap out of you. I already know that. And if that's what you want to wear, go for it for the seventh week in a row.
Okay. Have your little way girl. That is totally not worth the fight, but wanting to play with the knives in the kitchen, like obviously we're going to put up a fight there.
Okay. That's going to change things drastically if it goes bad. So really lean on your intuition, lean on your Holy spirit, lean on your discernment, whatever you got to lean on.
That's what you need to be doing here. Is this worth my time and energy? Is this worth putting up a fight? There's a time and a place for both, I believe. So I hope today you're walking away with a little bit of a different mindset, a little tool in your pocket that you can use moving forward.
The hospital is a tool. It's not a teammate. It's not an enemy.
It's a neutral tool that you get to use the way you want to use it. Remember your steer framework, set the vibe, test the alignment, establish the boundaries, engage your allies and reassess like the true head girly in charge that I know you are. Before I go, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about my birth plan party.
This is an event that I've done lots of times in the past. And honestly, it's such a great event. We're going to be talking about what a birth plan actually is.
It's a lot more than just a list of preferences, spoiler alert. Um, and we're going to talk about all the things that you actually need to do to pull off your birth experience. I'm going to give you guys a little like digital goodie bag at the end with a bunch of different tools to help you actually implement the things that you're going to be learning about that night.
Um, there's going to be time for Q and a all kinds of things. So you guys aren't going to want to miss it. This is a huge deal.
It's a free event. I want this information in your hands. It's a total game changer.
Like this is the stuff that I wish that I could go back and give to myself before I ever had a baby. It's like, I can't do that. I can't go back in time and give it to me, but I get to give it to you.
And that is truly such a gift and is something that I will continue to do. And this is one of my favorite ways to do it. I love hanging out with you guys live on zoom.
Um, just hanging out together with other women who are going after what they want and deserve. And it just brings me so much joy. So I'm bringing them back.
I am going to be hosting one on Friday at 8 PM Eastern standard time, the 17th of October. Um, if you cannot make it live, I will send you a replay. And I'm also going to be sending you home again with those little digital resources for you to use to do this work.
If you're listening to this after the fact, and you're bummed out that you missed it, never fear girl. I have these scheduled for the next several months at least. So if you go to the show notes, you can grab your free ticket for this upcoming event, or you can join the waitlist.
If it's already passed, you will be the first to know about the next one coming up. Just remember to keep an eye on your inbox. It also helps if you guys add me as a contact, because sometimes my stuff gets sent to your spam folder and you're probably not going to see it there.
If you are due in January or sooner than that, I would really urge you to come to this next one, because you guys need to get on this work. Okay. It is, it is time.
If you're coming, come prepared to take notes. We're going to be covering a lot of things. What a birth plan actually does for you, how to create a physical birth plan, how to back that birth plan with strategy, how to make decisions from a truly informed place.
Next steps for after you finish your plan. It's going to be a great time. I'm so excited to hang out with you guys.
So grab your ticket or join the waitlist and I will see you very soon until next time, as always happy prepping.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
