(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bum and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. I am so glad that you're here today, because this episode, it's going to be such a good one.
Whether you're brand new or you've been listening for a while, this episode is a foundational one, in my opinion, the kind that I wish somebody had handed me before my first birth and said, here, please learn these things, and you will be a different woman by the time you walk into that delivery room, ready for literally anything. And that's what I want for you guys, because my, I mean, hopefully you know my story. I had to learn all these things the hard way.
I don't want that for you. I want you guys to have the information that you need in order to step into being the leader of your space, the head girl in charge, HGIC. I need you guys to learn these skills so that you can do that, okay? I'm not like some powerful birthing woman who's just rocking her unmedicated births because I was born this way.
I am doing that kind of birth because I've developed the skills required for it. And guess what? You can do it too. So that's what we're going to do here today, okay? Because here's what I see over and over and over again, women who want an unmedicated birth, they really, really want it.
They told their partner, they told their mom, maybe they've even told their OB. But when I ask them what they're actually doing to prepare, I get crickets. Or, oh, I downloaded an app.
Or, oh, I'm going to start a birth class soon. Or, oh, I've been saving these reels. I've been looking at this stuff.
I'm like, okay, baby girl, let's get busy, okay? Because I say this with so much love, wanting it is not enough. An unmedicated birth is not something that just happens to you, okay? Especially in the system that we birth in. It's just like, if you look at the statistics, it's not something that's happening very often at all.
But the good news is if you want a different result, you can prepare differently. That's where the preparation comes in. It's actually really doable.
It's not overwhelming when you know what you're actually working towards. So that's my goal here today is giving you 10 skills, the actual practical real life skills that the women who pull off their unmedicated hospital births have developed. And I want you to listen to this and think about which ones you've already got and then which ones need to work.
And by the end of this episode, you're going to know exactly where to focus. All right? So let's get into it. Skill number one, I want you to know your why, like very deeply.
I want you to be very anchored in why you're actually wanting an unmedicated birth. And I'm starting on purpose because this is the one that holds everything else together. You need to know why you want an unmedicated birth on a level that goes beyond like, oh, I heard it's better for the baby.
Or I just want to try it because here's what happens. And I've seen this so many times. When it gets hard, when you're in the thick of a contraction at 3 a.m. and someone offers you relief, your why is the only thing that holds the line sometimes.
And a surface level why will not survive active labor. A deep personal, maybe even spiritual why, that one will. And it does so often.
Like when I had my first baby, I literally got every intervention in the book minus epidural. And my why for not wanting an epidural was so strong that every time they offered it, every time they pushed it, every time there was a threat of a C-section, it was an absolute no for me. There was nothing that was going to change that answer that day, even though I was literally like, I was looking through straws.
I was in so much pain. And that was the most medicated birth I had. And it was the hardest birth.
And it was because of all the interventions that were implemented and they were so impatient. Girlie, you're so loud today. Sorry, my baby's eating.
I'm not sorry. She needs it. And she comes first, obviously.
But I'm sorry for the interruptions that she might make. Anyhow. So I need you guys to just actually sit with this.
Why do you want this? What does this birth mean to you? If you've had a previous birth that went differently than planned, what do you want to reclaim in this next birth? If this is your first, what vision do you have for it? Write it down, put it in your phone, literally put it on your mirror, sticky notes, wherever you want to do, put it on your birth preferences sheet. Because when things get intense, you need to be able to look at your partner in the eye and say, remind me why we're doing this. And they need to know the answer.
They need to be ready to support you in that why. So this is the number one thing that you need to start with. Please know your why.
Number two, understand the fear, tension, pain cycle. This is a cycle that happens when you're in labor. It's FTP cycle, if you want to look it up.
This one is a game changer, and I don't think it gets talked about enough, to be really honest with you. Way back in the 1940s, there was a doctor that identified something called the fear, tension, pain cycle. The idea is this, that when you're afraid, your body tenses up.
When your body tenses up, your muscles fight against what they're supposed to be doing during labor, which is opening, releasing, moving your baby down. And when your muscles are fighting against the process, everything hurts more, more than it needs to, more than it's designed to. And when that pain comes, we get more scared.
And then it just goes around and around the little circle until everything is literally spiraling out of control. So fear quite literally creates the pain that we feel, or at the very least, it amplifies it. Which means one of the most practical things you can do for your birth is address your fear before you walk into that room.
Not ignore it. And girl, you're not going to find that at the hospital birth class. Are you kidding me? Not white knuckling through it, actually process it, work through it, replace it with something that's actually true, rooted in the truth, right? Bring it to the word of God, whatever you got to do.
This is why the mindset work is not optional. It's not, oh, it's cute to have, it's nice to do. It is pain management.
It is probably the most important and effective pain management tool that's out there. And if you understand the cycle, you become so much better equipped to interrupt it when and if it starts. So if you don't know anything about that cycle, look it up, educate yourself on it.
I mean, it's pretty simple. Fear creates tension, tension creates pain, pain creates more fear and around and around it goes. But that is such an important understanding to have.
Anyhow, skill number three is breathing. And I know breathe through it just sounds like something that someone says when they don't know what else to say, but I want you to understand what intentional breathing is actually doing in your body. Because once you get it, I think you're going to just take this skill very seriously.
Focused breathing does several things during labor. It keeps oxygen flowing to your baby, into your muscles. Hello, they're doing all the work, they deserve it.
It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is like the resting side of your system, which directly counteracts the stress response, which if you understand anything about the hormones that are working in your body, the oxytocin, the endorphin, the adrenaline, we want that experience. We want the oxytocin flowing, the thing that is driving our contractions. We want the endorphins flowing, the thing that is managing our pain naturally.
We do not want adrenaline because adrenaline counteracts those two things, the stress hormone. And we want it at a very specific point when we're about to push and our body's designed to release it, but we don't want it during our labor experience because it's actually going against everything that your body is working on. So when you're breathing, that's helping with that response in your body.
It also gives your brain something to focus on, which is important when contractions are intense and your mind wants to spiral. It helps that fear, tension, pain cycle. It gives your brain something to focus on instead of going into that fear and being like, oh my gosh, what if this happens? What if blah, blah, blah.
You're too busy thinking about, okay, one, two, three, one, whatever breath you decide to do or focusing, or someone's talking you through it, like, breathe with me, whatever. It gives you something else to focus on versus going down that fearful spiral. We want to avoid those.
So there's so many benefits here, right? But here's the thing. You cannot learn to breathe during a contraction if you've never practiced breathing during discomfort before. This is a skill, okay? Just like all the other things on this list, and it has to be practiced.
So I want you to start now, practice slow, intentional breathing when you're stressed, when you stub your toe, when you're stuck in traffic, when your toddler made a monumental mess and you're just like, oh my gosh, what am I doing with my life that I'm bringing another one of these children into the world? Yes. Do that. Practice.
Train your nervous system to go there automatically so that when a contraction does come, your body already knows what to do. There are specific breathing techniques, of course, slow breath, surge breathing, the kind that's used in hypnobirthing, and that's fantastic. I don't think it's really required, but if it gives you something to latch onto and something to actually actively practice, it's great.
But even just starting with slow, deliberate inhales and exhales is going to serve you. I used to just like to count. I don't even think I've done it in the last couple of births, but when I first started learning this skill, I used to count in my head.
I used to inhale for four and hold for four and then exhale for eight. And that served me well because it helped me latch onto something. The counting helped my brain to focus on something else.
And that was helpful for me. So find something that works for you. There's so many different breathing techniques out there.
It's up to you what feels right for you and what you think is actually going to serve you well in the delivery room. Number four is being able to relax almost on command, right? This is related to breathing, but it's also its very own skill. And most women haven't developed it at all before they go into labor.
I know I definitely didn't when I was 22 years old, new mom, first time mom. I definitely didn't have this skill when I walked into the delivery room. And it's the ability to release the tension in your body consciously, like almost on command in the middle of whatever.
And it's one of the most powerful tools that you can bring into that room. The way that you build this skill is through practice, of course, as all of these are, right? Progressive muscle relaxations, like actually listening to your body, like, okay, if this stressful thing comes up, right, where am I feeling that in my body? And this sounds so dumb and so like woo-woo and all that, but like your body is telling you something. And our great Lord and creator created us so intentionally.
And when we are able to actually tap into that understanding, okay, like, oh, what is this bringing up? And how am I feeling this and all that? You can better like control it, right? And the idea is that you practice releasing each part of your body over and over again, so that during labor, when someone says, relax your shoulders or soften your jaw or whatever, like your dual is popping in, your body knows how to respond to that. You practice doing that. Your jaw is actually one of the most important ones.
There's a direct connection between your jaw tension and the tension in your pelvic floor. Isn't that crazy? So seriously, if you're gripping your jaw in a contraction, your pelvis is also going to be doing that same thing. So relax your jaw, relax your bottom, relax literally everything that you can do.
Like start like thinking about like, okay, even just your face muscles, like relax the things in your face, relax your shoulders, like let all of that, like sometimes I'm just like standing there. I'm like, gosh, I'm like gritting my teeth for no reason. What am I doing? Or my shoulders up by my ears.
Cause I'm like tense. Like, no, take, take account for everything that's happening and learn how to relax those things in your body so that when the big day comes, you can have that skill ready to roll. Next we have number five.
This is knowing your comfort measures. And this one is probably one of the most practical skills on the list. Knowing in advance what is going to help you cope in labor so that you're not trying to figure it out when you're in the middle of it is literal gold.
Okay. Why would you not want to practice this skill? The things that bring me comfort are probably going to be different than the things that bring you comfort. Um, but of course there's typical comfort measures for an unmedicated labor, but like girl, you might want your cozy slippers to wear, or you might want your favorite heavy metal music in your ears, which I could never, but to each their own, right? Like that brings you comfort.
I love that for you. So you need to know what brings you comfort specifically, but for unmedicated labor, things like, um, water therapy, laboring, like in the tub or the shower, those can be incredibly effective and way underused. Um, counter pressure on your lower back.
Hello, hip squeezes. Oh my gosh. My husband literally did those last time we just had this baby.
I was, I was just like, the vibe is like ignore labor until you can't ignore it anymore. And that's what I was doing. I was like, I'm not even in labor.
There's no way this is even the deal. Girl, I was 41 weeks. Of course it was a real deal.
Um, I had been in labor literally all day and I went to bed and I was like, surely this is not it. And surely it was around 4 30 in the morning. I like couldn't handle it anymore.
So I got out of bed and woke my husband up and he started hip squeezes and he didn't stop until she was here and he was catching her. Um, and it was great, great times. But those hip squeezes are life-changing for me.
I have bad back labor and those things are just like the best. So Google those, make sure your partner knows how to do them. Um, heat, cold, like hot, um, heating pads.
I love, I've got a heating pad. I'm sitting on one right now. Um, cold packs, whatever those things can help.
Changing positions can help. That's like such an underutilized like, um, thing. Like obviously changing positions is important during labor.
It's like, it's not just about positions. It's like those things can really help move baby down, help you get more comfortable, help you, you know, get to the next phase, all the things. It's so important to have a bunch of positions ready to roll.
Practice those with your partner. Okay. Vocalizing.
This was such a big one with my last baby. Literally, again, I was only in like the thick of things for like an hour. I was avoiding it for the rest, like ignoring it the rest of the time.
I was still sleeping and all that. Um, but I started vocalizing during that hour and I literally, my throat hurt so bad for the week after I gave birth and it hurt. Like it was awful, but it got me through my birth experience.
But the, I've never experienced anything like that in my life. So I was vocalizing like crazy. I was talking the whole time.
I was talking to the Lord. I was talking to Matt. We were doing it by ourselves.
So I was just like talking, talking, talking, vocalizing, you know, all the things. And it was really helpful during that experience. Um, walking can be helpful, like just getting up and moving around, especially during early labor.
Um, even in active labor, um, I was cleaning my bedroom at like 1230 at night, just like walking around, doing stuff, putting stuff away, making my bed, all the things, um, doing laundry. Uh, so that can be helpful. Dark, quiet environment can be really helpful.
Um, I, if I was going to the hospital, earplugs would be in my bag. Music is nice. Affirmations are of course nice to, to listen to, but sometimes you just want quiet.
And when there's beeping monitors and all the things that people walk in, in your room and people try to talk to you, like sometimes it's just nice to just go inward. Okay. Um, so bring it as an option if you want, but I want you to get this point.
Every woman is different. What worked for me might not work for you, but you need to know your options and have a sense going in of what you want to try and be prepared for it. Right? If you do want to try silence, bring the earplugs, make sure you're prepared for it.
Bring whatever you need for it. Practice whatever you need for it. Your birth support person, your birth partner, whether that's your actual partner, your doula, your mom, whoever you, they also need to know these things because you may not be able to communicate it clearly in active labor.
And these people in the room need to already know what you want to try. Like maybe you want to try the shower first, or maybe you hate being touched on your arms, or maybe everyone needs to shut up. So no one's talking at you.
This is information that belongs in your birth preferences and in your conversations with your birth team before you ever get to labor and delivery. Okay. Okay.
Yes. We're going to have these conversations. Perfect.
Great. I love that. Number six is informed decision-making baby girl.
Do not skip this one. This one is so important. And I feel like the birth world dances around it.
Like, so let me be incredibly direct. Okay. You have the right to make decisions about your own birth.
Every single one, not your OB, not your nurse, not the hospital policy. You. Okay.
But here's the thing. You can only exercise that right if you know enough to ask the right questions and understand the answers. Informed consent is not just signing a form.
It's actually understanding what you're consenting to, what the alternatives are, what happens if you decline, what happens if you wait, all the things. Every time something is recommended in your birth, in induction, continuous fetal monitoring, breaking your waters, NIV, literally anything, you are allowed to ask, what is the evidence for this? What are the alternatives here? What happens if we wait? What happens if I say no? Literally all the questions I teach inside the birth prep course, I teach my ladies how to use their brain. B-R-A-I-N.
It's an acronym. What are the benefits? What are the risks? What are the alternatives? What does my intuition say or my Holy Spirit for my Holy Spirit filled girlies? What happens if we do nothing or watch and wait? Like what happens if we wait an hour? What happens if we readdress this tomorrow? Whatever the case may be, right? You can use this skill in all of your appointments. You can use this skill in your labor and delivery experience.
This is so important to have. The skill I want you to build before your birth is getting comfortable asking those questions and appointments. Do it now.
Your prenatal appointments are prime practice, baby girl. Okay? Use them to the fullest. Those appointments are not for your OB to know exactly what's going on in your body.
Those appointments are for you to practice being head girly in charge. So that day, when the big day comes, your OB already knows who's in charge and you walk in fully prepared and ready for anything to work as a team together. So ask questions.
See how your provider responds. A provider who welcomes questions is a very different birth experience than one who gets defensive or dismissive or just like shuts everything down. You might start implementing this skill in your appointments and realize, oh, this is not the provider for me.
Inside the birth prep course, we talk about the perfect for you provider. And just because somebody is not perfect for you doesn't mean they're a good provider. It means, hey, this person isn't going to support my birth experience the way I need to be supported in this.
And only you know what you need and what you want out of your experience. And if you're not doing that work, you are hiring blindly and just being like, oh, well, everyone else liked this person. So this must be the one for me.
Baby girl, you are doing something different than everybody else. You can't really focus on the reviews and all the things. And like, those are important tools and things when choosing somebody, of course, but you can't just be like, oh, this is the most well-liked doctor in the area.
This is the one for me. And then you turn around and oh, they have a 67% C-section rate. So don't skip this.
If you need help, get in the birth prep course. It's going to teach you all the things, okay? Skill number seven is knowing how to move your body in labor because labor is not meant to be experienced lying still in a bed. And I know that's what we've seen in the movies, but biologically, movement is one of your greatest tools.
Moving in labor helps your baby rotate and descend. It uses gravity to help with the work that your body's doing. It releases tension.
And honestly, it gives you something to do, which is huge when your mind needs a job. The skill here is knowing what positions to use and when. Hands and knees for back labor.
That's my favorite, right? That's how I delivered my last three children was on my hands and knees. Lunging can help with baby's rotation. Slow dancing with your partner for early active labor is so nice.
Oxytocin boost. Sitting on a birth ball can be helpful. Squatting during pushing, using the squat bar if your hospital has one.
There's so many options here, right? You should know these before you go in. Visualize yourself in them. Practice getting in and out of them so it's not foreign when you're in labor, especially when you're big, giant, pregnant.
Practice. And sometimes it's hard to get in these positions. I was giving birth in my bathroom on my hands and knees.
And we just did it in there because we really didn't have another space set up for it. I don't know. Free birth, we just was like, oh, we're just going to pop a baby out.
And that's exactly what happened. We just went about our normal day and then the baby came out and then we just kept going about our normal day. And that was the vibe, right? That was what we intended to do.
But I truly didn't really have a comfortable spot. I did have a whole birth tub set up, but I didn't use it because I didn't want to use the tub for birth. And I didn't really have much time for labor.
I kind of just ignored my labor. And we didn't want to get in the water because that adds risk to our birth experience. And when mommy was doing it by myself, I didn't want to have the extra risk for my baby and my body.
So we didn't use it. We had it set up. You're right.
Little side notes from my Amelia Mae. No, not me. I'm recording a podcast and now you're a featured guest.
Cutie girl. Anyways, when I was in my bathroom on the tile floor, it wasn't very comfortable being so giant pregnant, kneeling on the tile floor. Shocker, I know.
So just practice getting in and out of these positions. Your body will often tell you what it needs in the moment, but having a mental library of options means you can respond quickly instead of freezing or instead of trying 12 different things before you get in a position that's comfortable for you. You're like, oh, let's try this next.
Let's try this. Let's do this. This didn't work.
Let's do this one. Or gosh, this is really getting tough. I need to do this.
Or my pelvis is really hurting. Let me sit on that ball for a minute. Whatever the case may be, you're going to be able to respond accordingly.
Skill number eight, building and communicating with your birth team. This is so important. Please, please, please do not skip this one.
You cannot pull off an unmedicated hospital birth alone. Okay. I want to be really clear about that.
Not because you're not capable, but because the support around you is part of the preparation. You're going to have support there no matter what you want to make sure that they're supporting what you are trying to do. Not their typical experience, not their policy, not whatever.
Your birth team includes your partner or your support person, whoever, potentially a doula, hopefully, maybe if you're able to do that, your provider, the nurses who will be in your room that day that you're probably not going to even have the opportunity to meet until that day. Every single one of those people needs to understand your vision before you actually get there. Your partner needs to be prepared, not just to be supportive in a vague way.
I know your partner is ready to support you however that you need. That's the response. I'll support you however you want, however you need, but it wouldn't be way better if they knew how you wanted and how you needed before you actually walked in the room.
They should know your comfort measures, your birth preferences, how to do counterpressure, hip squeezes, hello baby, how to advocate for you if you can't speak for yourself in the moment. This is important. Your provider, this is a big one.
Please do not assume that because your OB is nice to you in appointments that they'll support your unmedicated birth when push literally comes to shove. Ask the hard questions now. Hey, if I'm progressing well and asking for an epidural, will you support me in holding the line? That is a question you should ask before you're in labor.
That's a question that your OBs probably aren't getting ever. That's so important. Communication is a skill.
Advocacy is a skill. Building the right team is a skill and it requires intentional effort before the big day gets here. Do it.
Build your birth squad. That's what we do inside the birth prep course. We're like, your birth squad is so important and it takes such intention to have a squad that is ready and willing to go to war for your plan.
That's what you want. It's either going to be that or the exact opposite and trust me, you don't want to be fighting for your plan in the middle of all that. You want to be supported in it.
I promise. It's the way better option from someone who's done it both ways. Skill number nine is mindset and mental strength.
And I know we've touched a lot on this throughout this episode, but I want to give it its own moment because I think it's the skill that is most underestimated and most underprepared. Your mind will literally be the deciding factor in your unmedicated birth. Not your pain tolerance, not your body, your mind.
The woman who get to the other side of an unmedicated birth and say like, oh, I did it. They didn't all have easy labors. Some of them had really long labors, hard labors, back labors, unexpected complications they had to navigate.
What they had was mental preparation that allowed them to stay in the game when it got hard. Mental strength in birth looks like having affirmations that are actually rooted in truth that you don't have to read off of a sheet of paper that are already in your brain. Your brain can automatically go there.
Like, oh my gosh, your brain is like, this is so hard. You can't do this. You can't even make it through this.
You're not going to be able to do it. You need to get that material. Your brain is going to feed you these crappy thoughts.
It's how your brain is wired to keep you safe every day of your life. It doesn't want you to go through with it, okay? But you have to, right? You don't really have another choice, so you might as well be prepared for it. Having truth to feed your little brain when it's doing its thing is so helpful, okay? So having those things that are rooted in truth, in scripture, in things that you actually believe.
Like, my body was built for this. I can't actually make it through. My body was built to make it through.
Knowing how to redirect your thoughts when they spiral. Having a word or a phrase or a scripture that you can like, anchor into, come back to when you're feeling like you're losing ground, right? Like, you're feeling like, okay, I'm about to slip into this spiral or I can feel the pain ramping up and I know what my brain is about to do. Like, being able to reframe things from something happening to you to something that your body is doing for you is like, so important.
It changes everything. And if you're someone whose faith is central to your life like me, this is where that becomes your greatest birth tool. I have talked to God during contractions.
I just told you about my free birth. I was literally, I was talking to the Lord and I was like, you know, sitting in the promise like, Lord, you promised me this and it's already done. And I was just like, I was talking to the Lord about it and I was like, it's already done.
And Matt, my husband, stops the hip squeeze thinking I was talking to him. I said, no, that was for the Lord. Please keep squeezing my hips.
He's like really struggling, but I was talking to the Lord throughout all of it. Quoted scripture and in those transition moments, right? I felt held by something so much bigger than me in those moments. I've literally reached out and held the hand of Jesus in my fifth birth.
Like, he was tangibly in the room for me and I would not trade that for anything. Those were so important experiences for me. Building mental strength is not a passive process.
You don't get there by hoping for the best. You get there by actively doing the work, by reading, by listening, by praying, by visualizing, by repeating your affirmations until they're louder than that fear. And last but certainly not least is knowing what to expect, like stage by stage.
And that might sound super basic, but stay with me for a second. So many women go into labor not knowing what is actually happening in their body, which means every new sensation feels alarming and unknown and unknown equals fear. And we already talked about what fear does.
We don't want any unnecessary fear in the delivery room. So when you know that early labor can last from eight to 12 hours or more, and that that is normal, then you don't panic when it's taking a long time. When you know that transition is the shortest, but most intense phase, and that you're feeling like you can't do this is actually a sign that you're almost there and that your baby's almost in your arms.
That information keeps you in the game. When you know that the urge to push can feel overwhelming and uncontrollable, and that this is your body doing exactly what it's supposed to do, you can surrender to it instead of fighting against it. That knowledge removes the fear.
The preparation removes the panic. And when you walk into your birth knowing what each phase looks like and feels like, you are working with your labor instead of against it. This is stage by stage birth education, and it is foundational, non-negotiable.
Every woman planning an unmedicated birth needs this knowledge. That is why I have it in the birth prep course. It feels super basic to say, oh, hey, contractions can last this long in this phase.
And, and they can, this phase can last for this amount of time. Like it feels super basic. I felt weird putting it in the course, to be really honest with you.
But I also have to remember that this is such foundational, important stuff. And you guys need the important foundational stuff. I can't come at my course like an expert and be like, oh, well, they should already know this.
No, you need to know this. So I'm going to make sure that it's in there for you because this stuff can quite literally change everything for you. So those are the 10 skills.
Let's do a recap because I, that was a lot. Number one, know your why and know it deeply. Two, understand the fear, tension, pain cycle, FTP cycle, look it up.
Three, breathing, practice your breathing. Number four, relaxation on command. Get in tune with your body.
Number five is knowing your comfort measures, practice these with your team. Six, informed decision-making, the most important skill that will serve you for the rest of your motherhood journey. You have informed decisions to make for another human being and you have them to make very soon.
Seven, knowing how to move your body in labor. And again, practice these beforehand. Eight, building and communicating with your birth team, making sure you are well supported that day.
Nine, mindset and mental strength. Please don't, please don't skip this work. It's so important.
And 10, knowing what to expect.
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