(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Welcome to the birth prep podcast. I'm Taylor, your birth bestie, who's here to support you as you plan and prepare for the unmedicated birth of your dreams. If you're ready to ditch the fear, conquer the hospital hustle, support that bump and bod, and walk into the delivery room like the HGIC you were born to be, then buckle up, babe.
This is where it all goes down. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the birth prep podcast. If you're new here, hi, I'm Taylor, and I'm the birth prep coach.
And I'm here to help you plan and prepare for your unmedicated birth in the hospital. And I love doing this work. And I'm so honored that you are here and hanging out with me today.
I've got a short, but very powerful episode for you. We're going to talk all about using your brain for informed consent. You're like, Taylor, I know how to use my brain.
Okay. No, I know that it's an acronym and I'm going to teach you all about it and how it is going to change the way that you ask questions and the way that you give consent in your prenatal appointments, your birth, and even into motherhood. So we're going to get into it.
But first I want to talk about what informed consent actually is, because unfortunately it seems as though a lot of people don't understand, including medical professionals. So we're going to start here, just so everyone is on the same page. Informed consent is your right as a patient, but it is very rarely given.
So I'm going to make sure that you have the skills to take it because you deserve it. Again, it is your right. One thing that I could confidently say is that you are the person who cares the most about your rights.
And if you don't care about your rights, don't expect anyone else to. Informed consent means that before you agree to any procedure, intervention, recommendation, literally anything, you receive enough information to make an actual decision, like an informed decision, not just, this is what we're telling you to do. So you just need to agree.
Like that's not how this works. It's not just a signature on a form. It's not a nurse saying, hey, we're going to come in and do X, Y, Z next.
And then not waiting for an answer, moving on before you actually answer. It's an actual, real, you understand what you're agreeing to decision. Here's the unfortunate reality is that in a busy hospital or a 10 minute OB appointment, true informed consent gets skipped all the time.
And I'm not saying it's being done maliciously. Sometimes providers are just moving fast. They're following protocol.
They're doing what they always do. This is their job. They go there and they do it every single day, but the result is the same.
You end up agreeing to things you didn't fully understand, declining things you would have actually wanted or feeling steamrolled without actually knowing why. And that's where the brain comes in. Brain is an acronym, B-R-A-I-N.
Five letters, five questions. And these five questions apply to literally every single decision that you will be asked to make in your pregnancy, in your birth. From like a routine cervical check to an induction recommendation to being offered an epidural at 6 AM, even for your newborn decisions.
The Hep B vaccine, vitamin K injection, the erythromycin. Why does that sound wrong? Don't quote me on that. The eye ointment.
I know the name of it, but that doesn't sound right. Hang on. I Googled it.
It's correct. But anyways, these can be literally applied to every single decision. So let's go through them.
B is for benefits. The first question is what are the benefits of this? This sounds so obvious, right? But you'd be surprised how many women agree to things without ever actually being told what the benefit is supposed to be. Sometimes we're told the benefit that's usually like their selling point, right? Like this induction will save your baby or whatever.
Like that's been told to me. So that's the, that's the example where to use, but they just hear a recommendation and just assume that like, there must be a good reason if there isn't a good reason, right? So ask it out loud. Can you please explain the benefits of this for me and my baby right now? The answer matters.
It tells you why they're recommending it, what they're hoping to achieve and whether that goal actually aligns with where you are and what you want for your birth experience. R is for risks. The second question is what are the risks? Every intervention, every procedure, every medication has risks, even if they don't tell you about them.
Some are small, some are significant, but you are entitled to know all of them before you consent to anything. This includes the risks to you and the risks to your baby. And it includes both the risks of doing the thing.
And here's the part that people forget, the risks of not doing it. Don't let anyone skip this question. If they're trying to minimize it or brush past it, that is information.
That tells you, that tells you a lot more than actually the answer to the question. A provider who respects your right to informed consent will give you a real answer for this. A is for alternatives.
The third question is what are my alternatives? This one is the most underused questions in a birth room. And it is one of the most powerful because almost always there are alternatives. Maybe it's a different medication.
Maybe it's a different position. Maybe it's waiting another hour before deciding. Maybe it's doing nothing right now and reassessing.
Ask the question please, what are my alternatives? It opens up the conversation beyond the one option that's being presented to you. It signals that you know you have choices and it often reveals options that were never going to be offered to you unless you asked. If you walk in and you know you don't want continuous monitoring, say, hey, I know that that's your policy, but what are my other options? Well, no monitoring is always an option.
Intermittent monitoring is always an option. Sometimes they have like monitors that are wireless that you can like walk around with that that are still continuous, but you know a better option than being like strapped to the ball. So you have options.
And just a side note, your options are going to depend on your place of birth. My options at home are a lot different than my options were at the hospital, right? Obviously. But even my options at the hospital in the one that I delivered at versus the hospital that's 20 minutes past that, they might be and probably are going to be different.
So that's just something to keep in mind. I is for intuition. Fourth question, it's a little bit different.
What does my intuition say? This is a question that you're asking yourself. And for my Jesus girlies, this is a great question to ask your Holy Spirit. This is one that gets left out of most medical frameworks.
And I think it's honestly one of the most important. You know your body, you know your baby, you know what feels right and what feels off. And while your intuition is not a substitute for medical information, it is a very valid and important part of your decision making process.
And that's why no one else can truly make decisions for you, no matter how much education they have, because no one can filter it through your lens, your views, your beliefs, all the things, right? So if something's being recommended and every part of you is screaming that it doesn't feel right, that matters. That matters a lot. That's honestly something that, I don't know, at least for me at my big age of 31 as a millennial girlie, that was something that was honestly kind of like trained out of me, is to like ignore how you're feeling, put everyone before yourself.
You know, I don't know, maybe I'm also oldest sibling that also has something to do with it. So I don't know, I've met lots of women with the same kind of experience doing this work with so many women, even my friends and stuff. Like we are taught to be the good girl.
We're taught to ignore ourselves and to not ask questions and to just, you know, obey and listen and trust the authority figures and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But baby, just a reminder, your provider is not an authority figure. You literally hired them.
Like, yeah, you hired them to help you with something specific, but that doesn't make them the boss of you. Okay? Just a reminder. Anywho, let's get back on track, Taylor.
I have notes so I can stay on track because my postpartum brain, I don't know if you listened to the last episode, but I felt like I ADHD'd so hard and maybe I didn't, I don't know, but it just felt like that. But also I have been really struggling with like the postpartum brain fog and I'm about what, two and a half months postpartum and it's been hitting me for like two weeks straight. I kind of honestly feel like an idiot half the time.
So I apologize. And also she came with notes today to stay on track. So let's get back to it.
But that feeling really matters, like truly matters. And I want you guys to sit with it. Ask more questions.
Don't let the speed of the room rush you past what your gut is telling you. If there is something I have sat, hmm, this breaks my heart. And I, myself included, I am in the same freaking boat because I did the exact same thing.
I have sat with mothers that ignored their gut and listened to the person that was telling them they had to do something or they were recommending something or that this X, Y, Z was best for their baby or whatever. And so many women I have sat with and heard their stories of like how they just hate themselves for it. Honestly, like they can't, they feel so guilty.
And myself included, I have situations like that from my motherhood journey and from my pregnancies and prenatal appointments and post-op appointments and stuff where I literally like, I can't believe that I sat there and ignored that in myself. And I was the one left dealing with the consequences, not my provider. My babies were the ones left dealing with the consequences, not my provider.
So this is incredibly important. And I really don't want you guys to skip this one. Your intuition belongs in this conversation.
If something feels right and you feel at peace about it, that matters too. It goes both ways. So just don't speed through this.
You can almost always ask more time. If it was a true emergency, you'd be back on an operating table. You almost always have a time to just sit with yourself for a minute.
Okay. Let me keep going. Let me get off my soapbox.
The next and final letter is N and it stands for nothing. Not to do nothing. It stands for what happens if we do nothing or if we wait, if we do nothing yet.
This one is so important and so very rarely asked. What happens if we wait another hour? What happens if I decline this and we monitor instead? What happens if we wait another week and reassess this induction recommendation? What if we just keep an eye on baby? What if we do some extra tests? What are the consequences of saying no right now? Because here's the thing, a lot of interventions in hospital births are time sensitive. Some of them genuinely are urgent and waiting isn't safe.
And, and a lot of them are not actually urgent. They just get presented that way because that's how the system moves. The system is urgent.
That doesn't mean your birth has to comply. Okay. So asking what happens if we do nothing or wait, especially like during your prenatal appointments and stuff for certain tests and like even cervical checks.
Like if you get smacked with a cervical check at 36 weeks and you're like, actually, I don't really, I haven't really thought about that yet. Let's, let's discuss that at our next appointment. Like, cause honestly, what is that changing right this second? You know? So this question is genuinely important and I think it has a space, a way, a way more bigger space than we give it.
Asking what happens if we do nothing or wait forces a real answer. If the answer is nothing, like what happens if we do nothing or wait? Like nothing, nothing happens. We just reassess in an hour.
Okay, great. So now you have information that you didn't have before. Now you just bought yourself an hour.
Like this question literally buys you time. You just bought your baby and your body an hour to do what it needs to do. You know? So if the answer is, if the answer is genuinely like, Hey, this is like really time sensitive and here's why, that's also useful information.
So now you can make a better informed decision. So this is just like something that I think that everyone needs to have. It gives you time to talk to your partner, time to check in with yourself, and time is something that is almost always available, even when it doesn't feel like it.
I just want to drive that point home. Okay. I know I've repeated myself about that, but it's, it's something that I personally wish somebody would have told me before I walked into the delivery room for the first time, because everything, literally nothing that day was presented to me as a question.
Everything was, Hey, we're gonna, Hey, we're just gonna, Hey, this is what's next. Literally not a single question. So I didn't think that I could say no.
I just thought it was all required to birth my baby. I truly didn't know any different. And I did literally everything to prepare.
I don't know if you've heard my story before or not, but I thought I did everything I was told to do to prepare. I talked with other moms, literally the entire, the entirety of my pregnancy. I talked with my mom literally almost every day she'd come and I was managing a restaurant at the time.
And she would come and have lunch with me because she worked at the school, like literally next door. So she'd come and have lunch with me almost every day while I was pregnant. And we just chatted about birth.
She had six kids herself. Like we talked and talked about things. I literally religiously read my pregnancy apps.
I had like four of them. It was insane. I read them every single day.
I read every information, every piece of information I can get my hands on. I Googled things like you wouldn't believe of all hours of the night. I went to the hospital birth class and did that whole thing.
Went with my husband. We went to every single appointment. We asked questions.
We did everything you're told to do. And I still walked into that room, honestly knowing nothing. I knew how to be a good little patient and that was it because that's what everyone else that I talked to had been.
That's what the pregnancy apps were assuming that I would be. That's what my provider was absolutely banking on. That's what the system was teaching me how to do in their hospital class.
I truly didn't even know that I could say no. I didn't know there were other options. I didn't know that I could ask for more time.
I didn't know any of it. So when someone said, hey, we're going to break your waters, what else was I going to say other than, okay, I had no clue. I thought it was required.
And so many women do. I can't tell you how many times I've sat with women who didn't even know to ask a single question, let alone all these questions I just threw at you. So now that you have these five questions, let's talk about how to actually use them because knowing a framework and being able to use it in the moment are two different things.
And I'm glad that you have the framework. You're way farther than I was, but I'm not going to leave you there. Okay? So first and foremost, we're going to practice saying these questions out loud before your birth.
Like seriously, say them in the mirror, say them to your partner, role play, an appointment where they recommend something and you practice asking all five. Because when you're in labor or even in your 10-minute appointment at the OB's office, or maybe even when you're feeling pressured, you're not going to be able to be at your most articulate. And that's fine, right? That's normal.
We all deal with that. It happens to the best of us, right? So practice now. So the questions come automatically later.
You need to have these like ingrained in your system. Like, oh, let me use my brain. Hang on a second.
This feels like a big question. Let me get my brain out. Second, it's completely okay to say like, hey, can I have some time? Hey, can I have a moment before I answer? This is one of those powerful sentences in a birth room.
Truly, honestly, asking for time is huge. You do not have to answer immediately. You're allowed to pause.
You're allowed to talk to your partner. You're allowed to ask for the question to be explained again. A provider who respects you will give you that moment without making you feel guilty about it.
And even like asking like, hey, can we circle back to this at my next appointment? I'm not ready to give an answer today. Or hey, I didn't know we were going to be doing this test today. I'm not going to do it today.
I'm going to look more into it and then I'll get back with you next appointment. And then if I choose to do it, we can do it then. You, you lead the way, girl.
You are the head girly in charge. HGIC. Girly, stop touching my microphone.
What are you doing? I'm trying to feed my baby. She's being a little crazy. Hi, my highly girl.
You're so sweet. Okay. Back to the notes.
Back to the notes. You're so distracting. Third, you're going to give your birth partner these questions too.
You're going teach them how to use their brains because there will most likely be moments in your labor where you can't be the one asking. Your partner needs to be able to look at the nurse and say, hey, can you walk us through the benefits and the risks of that recommendation? That is their job. Hi.
That's their job. Make sure they have the tools to do it. Fourth and finally, use this at your prenatal appointments, not just in labor.
Brain is not just a labor tool. You can honestly, truly use this literally for the rest of your life. You're welcome, but use it at your 36 week appointment.
When induction comes up, use it when your provider recommends something routine that you don't fully understand. Use it every time someone says, Hey, we're going to, or you should, or it's time to literally every time you have someone trying to bypass your informed consent, be like, Oh, nope, that's not happening today. And honestly, the more women that show up and do this, the more the system will shift.
And I'm so sick and tired of seeing this system that I'm like, okay, let me not get on a whole rant. Anyways. I hate how the system operates.
It's honestly demonic in my opinion, and it doesn't serve women and we need to change that. And no one's going to change it until we change it. And I'm proud of you for being a part of the change.
Thank you for being here. Okay. That's it.
Anyways, moving on. Am I going to get canceled for that sentence? That's fine. That's okay.
I stand by it. The more you practice these things before labor, the more natural it becomes when it matters most. Okay.
And this podcast got real long, real quick. I literally thought this was going to be a 10 minute episode. I should know better by now.
I'm a yapper. Okay. I love it.
And I'm glad that you're here. I'm like, girl, she's going to be a yapper too. Right? I literally just fixed her, um, really quick before we end this.
I just really want to be so clear about something before I close is using the brain does not make you a difficult patient. Okay. It doesn't make you anti-medicine or anti-hospital or anti-provider or any of the things that I've personally been accused of, which like we're anti-system.
Okay. I can, I've, I feel pretty strong about being anti-system, but I'm not anti all the other things. I'm like, there's a time and a place for all of it.
Right. It simply makes you an informed patient. That's it.
That's it. It makes you the leader of the, of the situation as you're freaking should be. It makes sure that you're giving your rights and make sure that you have informed consent for yourself and your baby.
Like why wouldn't you want to do this? Why wouldn't your provider want you to do this? That's a great question. Your providers are professionals. And in most cases, they genuinely want what's best for you.
But even the best providers operate within systems that move fast, follow protocols, and don't always have 10 minutes to walk you through every option. So this is, this is how you protect you. Brain is how you close that gap.
It is how you make sure that what happens to your body in that room is something you actually chose, not something that just happened to you while you were too exhausted or overwhelmed or scared to ask questions. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, do not recommend. Please do not do that.
It literally will take you somewhere you don't want to go. You deserve to understand every single decision made about your birth. You deserve to be a participant, not a passenger.
I would say you're not an extra in your birth. You're the main character. Please, please, please, please get that through your head.
And brain is one of the most practical tools I know to make that happen. And I have seen so many women literally change the entirety of their experience by implementing this. So I had to share it with you today.
So let's recap this framework one more time. Just nice and clean for you. A little screenshot for you if you could screenshot a podcast.
B, benefits. What are the benefits of this for me and my baby? R, for risks. What are the risks of doing it or not doing it? A, what are the alternatives? What are my other options? I is for intuition.
What does my gut say? What does my Holy Spirit say? N is for nothing. What happens if we wait or do nothing right now? So write these down, put them in your little birth bag. Actually, don't write these down.
Go to the show notes, download the thing that I put in there for you. I'll make you like a little screenshot thing. You can screenshot it.
Yay. I love technology when I know how to use it. Hi, my girl.
I just want to stare at you all day. I can't wait for you to have your baby in your arms. I'm so excited for you to enjoy this little newborn life.
Even though she's like quickly leaving the newborn stage, I can't handle it. I hate it and I love it at the same time. If you don't already get it, you'll get it soon.
Anywho, I'm putting these in the show notes for you and if you want to go deeper on your birth rights, your provider conversations, how we walk into your birth as the head girly in charge, that's exactly what we do inside the birth prep course and the link is in the show notes for you as always. I'll see you in the next episode though. Until then, you've got this.
Use your brains, please. I'm begging you and I'll chat with you soon. As always, happy prepping.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
