How to Become the HGIC of Your Birth: Taking Charge Before the Big Day Even Begins

Let’s talk about something game-changing—what it means to be the HGIC of your birth.

If you’re new around here, HGIC stands for Head Girlie in Charge. It’s a cute little phrase, but it holds some seriouspower. Because here’s the truth: when it comes to your birth, YOU are the HGIC—not your provider, not the hospital, and definitely not the policies that were created without your best interest in mind.

And this isn't just something you switch on when you roll up to the hospital in labor. Becoming the HGIC starts right now—during your pregnancy, your prenatal appointments, and your birth prep.

If your goal is to have an unmedicated birth in the hospital, it’s time to stop playing the passive patient role and step into your authority. Let’s talk about what it actually means to be the HGIC—and how to start flexing those muscles starting today.

What Does It Mean to Be the HGIC?

Being the HGIC of your birth experience isn’t about being difficult, combative, or picking fights with your provider. It’s about being educated, confident, and involved in your own care.

It’s about saying:

• "My birth is not up for debate."

• "I am the one calling the shots."

• "I will be respected and informed, period."

It’s about asking the right questions, reading between the lines, and knowing how to spot red flags. It’s about making decisions from fact, not fear—and having the confidence to walk away from providers or policies that don’t align with your values.

Inside my course, I actually compare the HGIC energy to what I call “the passive patient” (aka the PP—unfortunate acronym, I know, but it fits - okay 🤣). Passive patients go with the flow. They don’t ask questions. They trust that their provider “knows best.” And that sounds fine… until you end up with a birth that feels nothing like what you hoped for.

Let’s not do that.

Step 1: Do Your Homework

If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any. Period.

The first step to becoming HGIC is education. You need to understand:

• What your birth plan is

• Where your provider aligns (and where they don’t)

• What’s evidence-based vs what’s just hospital routine

• What tests and procedures will be offered prenatally

• The risks, benefits, and alternatives for all of it

When you’re educated, you can confidently engage in real conversations with your provider—not just nod and accept whatever they tell you.

Step 2: Ask the Right Questions

HGICs don’t accept vague, dismissive, or sugar-coated answers. They ask direct questions and expect clear, evidence-based responses.

Here are some questions to start asking:

🗣️ “Can you show me the research or statistics that support that recommendation?”
🗣️ “Is that a policy, a recommendation, or just your personal preference?”
🗣️ “Do I have the right to decline?”
🗣️ “Can we discuss my birth plan now instead of waiting until later in pregnancy?”

If your provider dodges these, shuts you down, or tells you “we’ll discuss that later,” it’s a red flag. You deserve transparency. How they answer these questions will tell you whether they truly support your unmedicated birth—or are just tolerating your ideas until the big day.

Step 3: Watch for Red Flags

Speaking of red flags… HGICs are always doing a vibe check.

Here’s what to look out for:

• Rushed appointments
  If they don’t have time for your questions now, they won’t have time to honor your wishes later.

• Fear-based language
  Are they trying to scare you into compliance? That’s a fat no. Real providers share balanced information, not just the “scary stats.”

• Flat-out refusals
  Saying “I don’t allow that” is a huge red flag. They work for you.

• Conversation dodging
  If they keep delaying important conversations or constantly change the subject, they’re likely planning to steamroll you later.

And don’t forget: you can fire your provider at any point. Yes—even in your third trimester. Yes—even during labor. Yes—even if the baby is crowning.

Step 4: Get Comfortable Saying NO

Let’s be honest—many of us are recovering people-pleasers. We’ve been conditioned to avoid rocking the boat. But you cannot people-please your way to an empowered birth.

Saying NO is part of being the HGIC.

Not sure how? Practice phrases like:

• “I’d like more information before making a decision.”

• “That doesn’t align with my birth plan. Can we discuss alternatives?”

• “I’m declining that procedure today. I understand the recommendation, but I’ve decided to go another route.”

Saying no during your prenatal appointments is great practice for labor, where decisions come fast and pressure runs high. And if you’re not sure what decisions are even on the table, grab my free birth plan guide—it walks you through dozens of decisions you’ll need to make before, during, and after birth.

Step 5: Know When It’s Time to Break Up

Sometimes, no matter how well you prepare, your provider still pushes back. If you feel dismissed, disrespected, or ignored—it’s probably time to break up.

You deserve a provider who:

• Supports your goals without resistance

• Respects your decisions without guilt-tripping

• Has a track record of supporting unmedicated births

• Makes you feel informed, empowered, and heard

Not every provider is perfect for you. And that’s okay! You’re not being high-maintenance by expecting a higher standard. You're being the HGIC.

Start Practicing Now—It Pays Off Later

Stepping into this role during pregnancy prepares you for what’s to come during birth and beyond. Every prenatal appointment is an opportunity to grow your confidence. Every conversation with your provider is a chance to set expectations. And every decision you make now helps you feel more grounded when the big day arrives.

And this isn’t just about birth.

It’s practice for motherhood.

As a mom, you’re going to have to make decisions that people won’t always understand or agree with. You’ll have to stand firm, speak up, and do what’s best for your child—even when it’s hard.

Learning how to do that now? It’s priceless.

Ready to Go Full HGIC Mode?

If you’re ready to ditch passive patient energy and step fully into your power, here’s how to take the next steps:

✨ Join the Birth Prep Course
This is where I teach everything—from picking the right provider to navigating hospital policies to preparing your body and mind for an unmedicated hospital birth.

✨ Join The Birth Prep Lounge (Facebook Group)
Weekly livestreams, community support, and answers to your questions.

✨ Grab the FREE Birth Plan Guide
Dozens of decisions you need to make (including newborn procedures!) so you can start preparing now.

You Were Made for This

You were made to lead. You were made to decide. You were made to birth boldly. Becoming the Head Girlie in Charge of your birth experience might feel a little uncomfortable at first—but it’s so worth it.

And take it from someone who used to be a PP (🙃), the other side of this work? It’s freedom. It’s confidence. It’s peace.

You’ve got this, momma.

XO - Taylor